She's why I do it.

She had my heart.

I loved her. 

It stopped at nothing. 

I would often lost myself in her.  

Her sweet touch gave me everything I was missing in the world.
The thought.
The realness.
I could never get through this alone.
They wonder what my inspiration is, who is my muse, why I keep doing this.
It's all for her and this throne.
She put me on, I got her off.
I often times left her for my art, my soul, my music.
She asked me if I would always be a writer, write until the day I die.
I let her know it's something I can't control, it must come out.
She understood that money, fame, and fortune wasn't the goal.
That even if we took over the world it was always for this art.
It gave my soul much purpose, and to her that was everything.
It's not easy explaining your gift to another soul.
It doesn't always make sense to even try.
But when you want them to get a sense of you, you have to be true to them. 

Follow your dreams that are hopefully your goals and make a life for yourself. 

Just a Little Bit.

Time will tell the tales no one else can.
Even when it isn't said, it is done.
My love and affection, the sparkles in my eyes, the motivation to be more wise.
All of that slips away once I realize that there is a lack of something.
So you want to save me, you want to see me do better, you want happiness to rain down on my world.
I must be honest when I say this, I cannot be that girl.
I won't be the one you leave out in the cold.
You won't see me saving the world.
I am here for me and my myself only.
Isn't that the one constant theme here.
How they make ME feel..
Will they ever give ME this..
Can I ever be that.
The world WILL stop turning if I say it does.
Life WONT ever be more than what it is than it is to me.
Just remember that no one can control you.

And Then There Was You.

If you love two at once, choose the second, because if you really loved the first you never would have loved again.

If you look deep into their eyes and feel a flutter, a small panic then maybe it was meant to be.

Whether you stay or flee true love will always exist.

It'll be out there in the universe strumming up something passionate into existence.

Wondering when to take your hand. If it'll ever truly be the right time.

Dark Matter.

My darkness might be my happiness.

So why are you so bright?

Why must you shine a light to all the shit that makes me thrive?

Good or bad, temporary or forever.

Live or die, God knows I try.

I strive for just short of perfection, live in between the lines in that little grey section. 

The darkness gave me purpose when there was none and at the same time took it all away.

Highs and lows.

Day and night.

Nothing was ever promised, but yet everything was in balance.

She knew the rhythm and blues, she created the black and the white.

Empty bottles lined the walls, empty shallow thoughts made her war go on. 

No one knew her soul was created from darkness.

That her life meant so little in the grand scheme of it all.

She was blessed with this heart that would ache for all eternity.

The most beautiful thing from it all.

If God gave her nothing else at least she had her song.

Her mind was easily distracted with all the pretty little things.

Who could blame her for feeling such pain/?

But who would ever love someone lost in the darkness?

Janine Got Me.

There's no good part that follows. 

No way to say that all of this meant something. 

Losing you when you were all I had. 

Truly it makes me sad. 

I will hold on to this pain for eternity. 

If it means I'll never feel my heart break again. 

Oh how you discourage me from ever loving again. 

Deep inside my heart, I know all about you. 

I'm lost without you. 

Carry me away to a gentle safe place where all that mattered was me in your embrace. 

Take my soul if it means you'll reach your happy place. 

I can barely stand the heart break. 

No one ever warns you that it's going to feel this way. 

All alone in a sea of pain. 

No way to feel grounded again. 

The Art in Nothing.

Art is whatever. 
I can sit and stare at nothing, but if that nothing gives me a sense of being…if that nothing is giving me everything I wish I ever had in my life..it’s a masterpiece to me. 

My heart doesn’t yearn the same way yours does. My fulfillment doesn’t come from money or possessions. 

Everything that has ever meant a thing to me is something the eye cannot see. 

That nothing is the love in between the sheets, it’s the tears that I shed when no one’s around, and it’s the people that are the hydrogen to my oxygen. 

That’s why nothing is so beautiful to me. Because feelings are nothing, but then they are everything.

That 2:05 Real.

Give me the canvas and I'll owe it. 

I'll put my heart and soul on it. 

Make gods of gods fall in awe. 

Give me your heart and I'll lose ground. 

I won't know what to do with it. 

I can't make this work at all. 

When lacking appeal lead to not giving a fuck. 

You were there for all of it. 

Watching me laugh and cry like a baby. 

Holding my hand when times were a little scary. 

But you are the fear now. 

The one I aim to steer clear of.

Because I won't be the one to end your life. 

I can't be apart of that at all. 

I'm barely hanging on to reality. 

You shouldn't even have a want from me. 

Trust me when I say I know a thing or two about limits. 

And baby were walking on thin lines. 

Isn't it strange that I said I'd never fall. 

Doesn't it make you wonder why my heart won't ever thaw. 

You believe what you want. 

That I'm perfect. 

That my beautiful is worth it. 

But I'm far from what you deserve. 

Just because you aren't right for me doesn't mean you're never going to find another. 

Apologies will only get you so far. 

Craziness will end it all. 

But fate will take us to the places we so belong. 

And then you'll just embrace it. 

Then you'll be clear to fall and thaw as needed. 

The Girl In A Sea of Regret.

One day your on top of the world, as happy as can be. 

Ready to take it on and anything that comes your way. 

But then all of a sudden you're hitting rock bottom. 

You don't want to get out of bed in the morning. 

You wonder why they aren't there for you. 

When you hear the word "happiness" your heart breaks a little, the earth quakes a little. 

Because that's something you don't know best. 

When your all alone you wonder. 

When they walk away you wonder. 

When they tell you they want you, you keep on wondering. 

Because it's all too much. 

You feed the vices for a living. 

You run around giving all your time, yet a lack of devotion. 

And one day it'll amount to stories.

Things you never thought you'd be apart of. 

You can't stay the night. 

You won't call back. 

You could never be the right girl, on the right night. 

Living in a sea of regret was the girl who lived without them. 

She was a girl who lived without a lot. 

The White, The Black, The In Between.

I can't think of many things she couldn't do.
She'd rule the world if wasn't for you.
She'd take all that life has to offer.
As you stunt her growth.
End her every time.
What are you really trying to accomplish.
She'll never love you like you want her to.
She'll try to forget the crimes committed against her, but she holds on tight when life gets to be overbearing.
If it ever did slip away she picked it right back up, cutting into it with such an intensity.
No sins were ever washed away no matter how hard she tried.
And boy did she try.
She tried to fill the void.
To distract herself.
To give herself the chance to live since she's so dead inside.
Now is when I say it wasn't enough, that she ran out of chances to get it right.
But that isn't true, because this isn't the end, but the beginning to the rest of her life.
At least the beginning to finding herself.

We All Have It, We Are All Doomed.

I found myself slipping because I thought I had lost you.
But I had found my voice, and my courage and my strength.
And sometimes people don't always like those things.
You just don't understand yet, the complexities that are me.
Love doesn't always let you see the truth.
A lost soul with a bit of temper.
One who has seen it all, yet still stares at nothing.
It began at a young age, the ache in my heart, the dead in my eyes.
All because of love, love will get you every time.
Dedicate your time and loyalty into the people who are always going to hurt you the most.
Watch as they slip  away from your life and your memory.
You can't hold on to them forever no matter how hard you try.
And that's okay, because it's all apart of life.
People expect that you'll be just fine, but why don't they suspect that it takes more time.
That sometimes you can hurt for a lifetime, because your heart was broken so many times.
All the clichés, and they go on and on, spinning through time like a whirlwind.
It's not that easy they realized, it's not as easy as it was the last time.
So we let time slip away, at times we're running even.
Blushed cheeks and heavy breath won't keep us at bay.
From the infectious entity known as love.