The End.

You all just make me want to sin.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I keep trying to illustrate that what I have is nothing, because without certain pieces, I'm an incomplete puzzle.
No one knows my life.
No one knows my struggle.
No one knows this mind.
I have the mind of a mad man.
Just waiting to flip a table or throw a chair through a window.
My sorrow turned to pain.
My pain turned to anger.
My anger turned to hate.
Not just for you, but some for me as well.
I am alone.
I am alone.
I don't want to be alone.
They can't see the signs.
The desperate cries for attention.
Save me from myself.
Save me from this hell.
Save me from disappearing.
I have a tale to tell, but they're not hearing it.
They aren't ready for what's in store for them.
I try.
I try.
I try so hard.
Kick and scream and holler.
My voice is just a hollow thing.
I am me.
I am me.
I am me.
But is it even who I want to be.
Sometimes I wish I was her.
Perfect features.
Nothing to cry over, no?
We all have our secrets.
We all have our lives.
We all have our stories.
But I don't know hers.
She comes from a troubled past.
Where there wasn't a shed of light anywhere.
That's why she's silent.
That's why I know.
That's why she can't grow.
Unfinished business makes the heart burn slow.
All of it.
Sucking the life, like a mosquito does blood.
No life, no soul.
I guess this is the end for me, no?

Song of My Life

All that's real to me is Marilyn and Jesus..

Jumping off of bridges, sparklers and streamers honey..

I wanna fly
I wanna fly
I wanna flyyyyyy

I can't be with the man I love..
I can't be if he treats me rough..

I can't see him..
I can't call him up..

-LDR

I'm dying. Retarded.

How is it I can make you happy but I can't make the person that brought me into this world happy? How can you love me...when she can't? How can I bring you so much joy over such a short period when I've known her for 19yrs? Why is this? What's so bad about me?

Why does everything happen...?

We take some steps backwards, working on going forward. Life happens, love happens..then it's over. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've cried and tried. You don't seem to realize that my love isn't a lie. I have things I need to work on, I know. But I don't want you to go. I beg, cry, hit rock bottom head on. I don't know if there is effort left in me..I don't know if my heart will still be pumping. You talk about death and all his friends but I'm here to keep you from them. I'm your greatest strength but then I'm your instant demise. I build you up, to break you down. I love you completely, to hate you at times. But that's what it's about, is it not? Take the good with the bad..and wonder why. It's okay to cry. But I don't want you to die. I don't want you to rot away in such misery. You still don't realize that your pain is mine. Your thoughts of suicide. Your desperate cry. We'll figure out why everything happens though. 

A toast.

You've given me something I've never experienced in life before. A love, a confidence, a fight that's so passionate it's unheard of. I want to be with you always. That's why I stick around. In hopes that one day we'll get it down. We both have a lot to learn about one another and much growing to do. But I'll say by your side if you stay by mine, I know your love is true. Even hundreds of miles away I can feel the love. I can't always understand it, but in time I think that'll come. Life is so sweet when your with me yet miserable when you're not. I'm willing to go through the pain if it means I'll get what I want. And that's you and all the love you have deep inside. I love you always, so keep on smiling wide. I'll do good by you, if you do good by me. We'll figure things out and be so happy. The beginning of a new life, love, and happiness. The end of a fight that keeps us from this. Cheers.

Try Again.

Here we go.
On it again.
Different problem, yet it's always the same solution.
When will you see the error in your trials and just try again.
I see it as though I'm not even apart of this.
I see the hurt, mistakes, and you contemplate.
But there is only one answer to the problem.
Love.
Give me unconditional love and everything will be okay.
Tell me you can't live a day without me, can't stop thinkin bout me.
I drive you crazy but you wouldn't ever ask to be sane.
I love you with all I've got babe.
Whenever we lack that health of our relationship or peace we still find a way.
I do what I do because I want to move foward to something great.
Show you how this love can be.
Show you that I'm not me if you're not there to complete me.
I hope you can see...just how much you mean to me.

I can't breathe.

As I cry myself to sleep let it be known that I'm all alone. No one hears these gasp for help. No one wipes my tears. It's just me and my demons here. Eyes tearing me apart. Crossing lines that haven't even been drawn. I see nothing but stone cold darkness.

I can't even be happy.
No one allows for it.
And you can't even say "you can be happy when you want to be happy, it's your decision" that's bullshit because in order for that to happen I'd have to stop caring. And if I stop caring I'll be alone.
So I have to wait around for people to come to me first, wait til they come around and want to make me happy.
You're never just a phone call away, you're fifty texts, a missed call, twenty more texts, and then a call.
You're never just a drive down the street your 246 miles away, and even then you're gone.
Who's here with me, cause I feel nothing.
I don't even know why I think things will ever turn out nice for me, because those closest to me won't let that happen.
Awe f it.

We did it.

Hours and hours of mind numbing work..and the goal has been met. Everything is in order again. I feel that life is just now coming into focus. I can faintly make out what this life will be, but at the same time I have no idea. I'm glad to have my independence and solidarity, but what is still before me is unimaginable. Not that it's terrible..not that it's too good to believe..but that it's simply unknown. Tonight I lay me down to sleep, with thoughts of future victory. I'm gaining confidence everyday, that I will find a way. Someone sees success in me, someone sees the best in me. That someone is me!

Start.

Like a stopwatch takes off..here we go. Hurting, disagreeing, making no amends. If anything I'm sick of your uncanny way of going to bed. I like to know were on the same page, that we've gone to bed with smiles on our face. I want a new beginning, an agreement to succeed, but, now I actually want to succeed. I want for us to get past the little things , but honestly I want you to think of the little things. That's my plead for insanity. You don't think of me. You don't show me that you do.. not like you really should. I go through hell sometimes. And what keeps me grounded is that moment when I'll finally be able to hear your voice or see your face. but something drowns out that velvety voice or blocks your angelic face. Always. Always. Always. Can't I get what I want?