Who Knows, Who Cares.

Take your time. There's no rush. 

Doing the things that make me blush. 

I see that look in your eyes that tells me you just want to be fucked. I will seize the day that I can get a taste, of your world, of the love I missed out on. I hold a small piece of you in my heart. I feel for you. I really do. Holding onto the old me that isn't here anymore. Wondering if she's ever coming back again. Wondering if anyone can give me hope again. I sit here not knowing what's to become of my tomorrow..or what my today will be. I sit there not knowing anything and it kills. 

it's coming out.

Some of us found God while others ran away. We all look in the mirror and vaguely see who we knew yesterday. Time after time I try to let you know that everything's gonna be okay. I watch as your eyes glaze over, as the clouds engulf your very soul. I try to let you know..that there is always tomorrow. That tomorrow can be a better day. You look at me with eyes filled with dread, cause tomorrow isn't something you want to see. It's not in your plans. I hold onto hope with both hands and breath in, wrapped up in the smoke and mirrors of what we have. Take your time while your killing me softly, cause we always have tomorrow for me to fall apart. 

She's the Force.

You see the work I put in, the focus, the care. I'm here for you she said, I want you alive and happy, but I can't hold it in. There is a right and a wrong and you did wrong. Technically I did the right thing, it just turned out to go against you. Once you feel free you won't want to be caged again. I don't know a soul who wouldn't want to fly high. I don't know a soul who wouldn't want to disappear every so often. The lies they told you, the way they raised you I'm surprised you made it this far love. I'm surprised you're here today..I'm surprised they even care. I live life like this gentle wave, caressing the sand on the beach, chasing the toes of children. I mostly go unnoticed until I rage. Until disaster follows..the lives that are lost and lives that are destroyed. I am a force to be reckoned with. I am a mind to be dissected..until the day of my demise. 

Feelings.

I love the way you feel my dear.. 

The earth and the heavens above, the stars and the moon in the sky. The feelings in my heart, the very baring of my soul. Traces of my life dance along the beautiful waters, tickle down the spines of trees. You see they all take a little something away from me, all leave me a little less incomplete. I can't keep pushing away the feelings, can't keep the  darkness at bay. And you know that, and you all know that...

The blurb.

Sometimes I think of your love as an entity that fills the far reaches of the universe..

It's what warms up the Earth for humans to thrive..

It's what caused the evolution of ape to man..

Sometimes I think of you as someone who's good and not someone who ruined my life.. 

I tend to forget rather than forgive..

I rather be anywhere but here he said, I rather leap off buildings and cliffs. 

My soul hurt because there was nothing I could do to keep you grounded. 

Nothing I could say that would make you want life and happiness again..

I failed at saving you and now I never want to see you again. 

You hurt me, because you can't see that other people's feelings exist too. 

You can't see that tough love is too much..

You never realized how much you didn't know me, how much my heart would get in the way. 

Why ?

Since when was it such a bad thing for a woman to have an opinion?
To express emotions and feelings?
Sometimes it cannot be helped, this fire I feel in my heart.
The shift in the universe that happens that lets me know I should speak up.
If it's not okay to feel or speak then what does that make me?
All these years I've been struggling with overwhelming feelings over everything.
My heart wants to give up.
My soul can't even begin to comprehend.
I spent years and years in silence, living lies and exsisting in personal hells...
And I can't go back again.

Refresh.

She spoke of love songs and fairy tales and the world began to drift. 

Spinning slowly on its axis, rupturing the atmosphere one more time. 

Her hands on her head, she doesn't know where to begin. 

Gorgeous eyes, an attractive smile, she's falling in. 

The warm sun lifts her up and pulls her close. 

It's been a long time since peace and chill vibes settled here. 

She welcomes the love, and happiness. 

She hopes for the best yet prepares for anything to happen. 

Know not who you are, but what you are capable of. 

Love not once or twice, but forever. 

It'll never stop, it'll never end. 

Coming alive to only die again. 

Taking a breathe to only suffocate. 

Know not what she does, but how she feels deep inside.

Because this may be the last time you see her smile, or feel her touch. 

This may be the last time she decides to love you. 

Wholesome

 No one realizes that I'm the type of girl that loves everyone…Even when love is lost I know I will love again, even in love I feel that strangeness of how I could love whomever. The problem is, not everyone can love me. I'm so worried about falling into the hands of the wrong one, I'm so worried about falling into the hands of no one. I've made my mistakes and made my apologies…I've prayed and sweared to death. I'm hurting now, because I'm no longer a cup of tea. I'm not longer a simple child, I'm a slightly cynical/slightly broken young woman with all of these issues. Parts of me were stolen, other parts were lost, others I gave away. I don't believe that I'm a wholesome woman with tons of self-respect anymore. I believe I let go a lot and swore off many of my standards. If this is what it feels like to be alone I want nothing to do with it. If this is what it feels like to be misunderstood I want to wake from this nightmare. Spare my heart the from the aches and pains. If you do anything for me you can just spare me. I need a moment to live without feeling like a complete and total mess. I feel as though I project the feelings of what I want out of a relationship on other people too much. I go in expecting the world instead of taking them for face value…I put them on this high up pedestal because of how excited I get at the thought of them doing/being what it is I need out of a partner. I'm sorry. Sorry for all the pain I caused and the time I wasted. Sorry for all the words I didn't say and the ones I used against you. I'm just sorry.

River.

With the eyes of a believer I look to you for guidance.
I hear your heart beat, it's filled with love and triumph.
You have many a tales to tell, but there is silence.
You ignore it all and keep to yourself.
I can feel your presence everywhere, you never beseech me.
You just stop and stare, and wait for my next move.

To Know Her is to Love Her.

She knew she could love again, and she would.
More fiercely and passionate than before.
Taken for granted no more, won't be pushed to the side.
She loves and she loves again.
She tries her very best to be okay, but it's never meant to be.
She was born to love a hundred times.
She always felt kind of free.
No matter how devoted and in love, she knows forever lasts for only a moment.
Those throws of passion you feel with her, that longing in her eyes for you.
She's had it a dozen times before, and it won't stop with you.
She may love you, give her heart up, thank the heavens for your birth,
but she will never stay by your side.
She has known this for a very long time, and she's okay.
However you are not. You can't sit there and tell yourself she isn't for me.
She has you convinced that it was meant to be, that love began with her and it'll last an eternity.
You savor her kisses more and more each day, because you know she is a free soul, meant to travel to the seven wonders of the world and never return.
You realize that she leaves as fast as she came into your life,
you realize that nothing will ever be the same.
Because she rocked your world and made you feel things.
Good girls finish last all the time, but her, she always comes out on top,
she'll always be okay, because she understands the destiny of loving and then loving again,
that is what's really meant to be...