Still trying to find the love.
Where does it all go?
I can't feel it.
Even when you're here I know you are in a million different places.
It pushed me away.
I guess I only like when I'm the main focus.
But still I love you.
And I love to support you.
I couldn't think of a better man to take care of and challenge.
Tell why my heart won't open.
Tell me where you are when I bring in negativity and spew out garbage.
Why am I still killing myself over the past and the future?
I found clarity of love in you.
It became more simple.
Thus making me more stable and balanced. I felt love and kinda knew what it was.
I'm on this journey of discovery.
It's you and me babe, against the world.
Anything we face now it's together, there's a bond I can't explain.
Why should I have to?
I live in this bubble with you and him.
We're a happy family, were a new kind of classic.
I see smiles and warmth and laughter.
I can't verbalize the feeling.
But somehow this house is a home even if it's little or small or big or expensive.
I found my partner to walk through this life with. I absolutely love you.
Yes my mouth is shut. I'll never tell our secrets. We all try the best we possibly can. But it feels like I'm drowning. I'm in this dark place where my heart is broken. I'm sorry you caught me at a bad time, can we just talk later. There are only a couple of things that calm me these days. I love you dearly. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I let you down. I look up just to look down. You don't even reach me like you used to, you don't even know me anymore. But how could you? Really, how could you? To say I love you is an understatement. I need you, but you aren't all I need. It can't just be you, because what about me. I sit sad and lonely after 8 o clock and I wonder how am I supposed to function for the rest of my life. What is happiness? What is content? To say I love you is an understatement because I need you. I don't even know why I'm unhappy anymore. It's a quiet murmuring now. It's not chaos and uproar. It's a silent death. Cause I feel my soul escaping me more and more each day.
I watch as you reach up high for all the things I could never see. Your eyes filled with some type of responsibility. You take care of me. I'm loved and cared for much more than I'm used to. Oh dear why are you here for me? Tired eyes cry fake tears. This frustration is hitting me. My soul turns a little brown and my smile fades each week. No one gets the place I see myself in these days. I take your hand as we rush across the street. I never felt my heart flutter like this. How can we be so young yet our love feels so old and timeless. I look around for the punch line, waiting for it to drop, but it never does. I guess love is a ton of layers no one ever speaks of. I wish they'd say everything I've thought of.
It's been awhile since I was in the dark place.
Maybe a few weeks tops.
So much has changed since then and tonight I feel lost.
I was feeling indestructible today, all because of him.
But of course he doesn't have time for me and our schedules are opposite.
So here I am feeling defeated.
Defeated because I don't think I'll ever find another job.
I can't even get my wrist healed.
Defeated because I have no skills.
I have no motivation to teach myself.
Defeated because when I feel alone it really sucks.
Defeated because my relationship has me pushing my only guy friend away.
Defeated because old men keep crossing my mind.
I'm feeling defeated because I want to have babies.
I just don't want to be old doing it.
Defeated because maybe I won't succeed.
I'm defeated because all my happiness and motivation is dependent on another person.
I guess my addictions know no end.
I'm defeated because he said he loved me, and because he never said it and because he doesn't say it enough.
I'm defeated because money is the struggle.
I'm defeated because I miss my father.
I miss my grandma and my mother.
I'm defeated because I tell myself no so much.
And say yes at all the wrong times.
I'm defeated because all I can do right now is tell you this as these tears roll from my eyes.
I am defeated.
I spend my time wondering if I'll ever be as rich as you.
If being so emotionally vulnerable will ever do a thing for me.
If you will love me even in hard times when I can't afford anything.
My motivation is down in the dumps these days.
But the sun keeps rising and it keeps on shining too.
I come from a land of struggle where we've all been touched by hard times and no one ever really makes it.
I don't know success.
I just know about how people get complacent.
In a world where we knew nothing and we still don't know a thing.
In my head I feel so happy, but deep in my heart I feel the failure.
I wish to know success one day.
I hope to grow into a better woman fit for something important.
I held my hand out.
Waiting for you to love me.
And you found your way into my heart and soul.
Your smile forever etched into my memory.
I feel a warmth I don't ever want to stray from.
I'm fighting my way from a darkness I've lived in too long. Oh I can taste the cherry cola on your lips.
Love has never shown so many sides.
Things keep growing and pushing, pulling.
All this time.
It flies by.
And I want to slow things down.
I want to live in this love forever.
Just because I cried a little doesn't mean I'm broken.
Still the same girl you knew before then.
I get high off dreams of loving you until the end of time.
I can't believe I ever promised my heart to another guy.
The answer to my questions and all my dreams.
Maybe this is what the rest of forever really looks like for me.
Keep it all inside.
Let it all go.
I feel every ounce of hope leave my body.
I'm truly devastated.
I can't fight this feeling.
Years of hardwork never seemed so pointless.
I'm lost, there's no great journey here.
I just want to leave this earth with some dignity left.
Why is it only getting harder these days?
Washing away some stress and burdens.
My days never looked brighter.
As time piles up I'm truly learning about love and life.
Not everything that glitters is gold, but it sure is awfully pretty.
I have a kind feeling and respect for you even in my dreams.
It can be so dark out there.
But the sun is going to rise she says.
The day will begin again.
Something powerful brought us together.
The odds were in our favor.
That's just how it played out.
I couldn't say that all my past loves ended because it was always supposed to be you.
I traveled down a certain road and became the woman I am today.
However messed up I convinced myself I was I was changing.
I love the drama.
Life can be so difficult to stomach and so simply beautiful all in one day.
I love maneuvering these choppy waters.
Our love gives me strength and the ability to see deep, deep inside.
I'm so totally aware I'm finally soaking up positivity.
I have to forgive my yesterday's, cherish today in order to welcome the best tomorrow's.
