Here we are now.

I never wanted to see so badly.
This darkness inside was unheard of.
I deserved everything that had come.
My heart was squeezed dry, every last drop of love vanished.
There was a point I didn't care.
I just wanted someone there.
But then I yearned for someone to play a role.
But there was a scarcity of actors and so I made best of what I gathered.
I made up all these good feelings.
I projected.
I had always been the one picking up the pieces.
But I've hit a wall.
And now I must free fall. 
I don't know if I'll survive it.
I don't know if I'll make it.
But I'll always be remembered as the one who loved many and too often...the one who was never enough...destined to be just one.

Wine and the eleventh hour.

She walks this slight path.
Leaning towards death or happiness.
There's no in between.
The sun creeps up on her every morning caressing her with love or so that's what she tells herself.
She let it all go.
The pain, heartache, false promises.
They all mean nothing.
They fade away as the moon takes the place of the sun.
It's all going to be okay she realizes.
Saying this with great belief.
She loves herself with great sadness and devotion.
Just like she worships the men that hurt her.
But that's not it.
It's not the point of my story.
All I want to say is that love comes from within.
It'll always grow from within and going outward.

Just One.

As the world turns and changes I experience my own evolution.
Realizing that dedication and hard work are the only things that will send you somewhere nice. But lately heartbreak got you thinking twice. Maybe in reality you're dancing with the devil and sleeping with his friends. Time to let the morning sun take you away. Time to get back in the groove of things.

Growing up.

She pushed away from the shore, adrift at sea it didn't matter if she could ever return.
Her heart iced over many times before.
Clearing her mind was important.
She left behind a world of hurt.
In a haze realizing that worth hadn't yet been defined.
Self reflecting with an angel, hearing tales of heart breaks and aches.
With age comes wisdom or so she hoped.
Letting go was the hardest thing, but the best thing, she just wouldn't know.
At least she figured out what her heart desired.
That people won't change.
That it's in their DNA to be who they are.
There comes a time where loving yourself shouldn't be the only thing carrying you on.
I had to say yes to a chance at more.
Because I'll never give up hope.

The Real.

Two ships pass in the distance during the night.
We're like those passing ships.
Beautiful on the outside, pure chaos on the inside.

We don't always have all the answers nor can we always say all the right things.
But there's love involved or something reminiscent.

Hearing me cry out your name.
Everything falls and slips away.
Silence is my best friend.

Things seem less crazy at times and I realize just how much life is around me.
It's all so captivating but so easy to miss out on.

So I thank the stars in the sky.
Thank the seas for always waving goodbye.
Thank the breeze as it holds me tight.
And I thank the earth as I fall back upon it.

You can't always have darkness when there's a hint of light.
You can't always fight the destiny set forth before you.
Just give and let love be.

To You Whom I.

You don't know me. 
You may have witnessed my oceans felt the vibrations from my rapid pulse.
Kissed me gently in a bookstore while shopping for records and vintage things.
You've looked into my eyes, both dead and alive.
Held my hand when it needed the embrace of another.
Caressed every inch of my body.
Became one with me.
I'm sorry I had to go.
There's just some places in life where I'll never go.
Clearly your heart isn't broke.
Clearly your soul washed away with the current.
Standing here where I am what would you do?
Up and let go?
My heart breaks when you tell me no.
Yet my soul can't let you go.
I find it hard to believe our souls haven't touched a little.
I find it hard to believe you don't love a little bit.

That you don't want to get wrapped up and carried away in good feelings.

But this is where the love ends, and the tragedy begins.

For lovers can no longer love anymore. 

And All Good Things Will Come Together Again.

What if all beautiful things went untouched, would we still find the beauty in them?

I watch from a grave distance, as life continues on.
As history repeats itself yet again.
I hang my head in such shame that even I am not able to forgive myself.
Throwing myself into the darkness as though it's an everyday thing now.

I can't find it in my heart to care for you.
I've felt this way for awhile.
I remember your face as I recoiled from you, the last time you really saw me.

It's a brave thing that I can say love will always live within me.
No matter how many piece are taken, and every now and then I find the courage to love myself.
When I look around I realize that I am okay in the darkness.
But for me the darkness is more than okay, it is where I feel most at home.

I can't afford to make mistakes with beautiful men anymore.
Letting you into my world of wonder, money, and lust.
I start to think that I do these things for my own amusement.
Life is too short for this.
I know that now.

The Unexpected Love.

She's given me the love,  that love I've never had.
Across seas and galaxies you'll hear that she's the one.
People see me with her and they wonder who I've become.
Bringing out a better me, that's what I'm trying to be and I've felt that I have won. So hopefully one day I can share this story with my sons.
That love is often here and there, but it will always come.
Spending time with her there's no better place for me to be.
I love her now, I'll love her then, and for all the years in front of us.

The Pitch Black.

She's currently falling to her death.
The desire to hasten things is evident.
She stopped caring the day she took your hand.
She says a little prayer and does a little dance.
She relishes in the pain.
Thankful, someone sees her.
Spinning off into a disastrous world.
It's so dark there.
She's so gone because she knows she belongs there.
Quick to leave you alone and wish you weren't there.
She closes her eyes and wishes you away.
She closes her eyes and wishes you would stay.

The Three Ps.

She was like sexual heroine.
Always dancing in the wind meeting his every move to the beat.
Temptation is what he knew her as.
He could not stop it.
That inevitable day they would cross paths again.
She had fire in her eyes to match the heat of their auras.
Constantly pulling each other back in.
So they danced the night away, hand in hand.
She finally let go of scary, unworldly thoughts.
She figured it out.
All she ever needed was a release and that was him.
Carnal instinct takes over.
She knows what she wants and she's no longer fighting it.
She enters a world she knew little about.
One of utmost passion, pleasure, and pain.
She falls in and loses herself, again, and again, and again.