The Truth.

Sometimes you just want to tip toe along the line.
Lose yourself and your mind.
Those who help are much appreciated, others stare in awe.
Life takes more than just waking up every day.
This soul of mine has been sailing solo for some time.
Many tales can be told here, but won't. These secerts of mine I'll take to the grave.
The blessed memories I hold onto will escape me one day.
Putting one foot in front of the other and I say "take me on, I'm here to stay. Now and forever you'll have thoughts of me. I hope all is well, I hope love is all around".
My love left me the other day, and it has me on the ground.
Crippled to no end, the whole house buring down.
I hug you one last time, feel your warmth escape you.
I kiss you and say goodbye, because this is the end of eternity.
Until we meet again on the other side my love.

Take some deep breaths.

I live in shades of cool..
You don't see what I go through.
In this world where no one says hello, no one notices you.
You walk and drift away never to see the light of day.
Misunderstood and not even given a chance, it gets more and more tiring every day.
Looking for something to satisfy my soul, and ease my spirit.
I share many stories and wear my scars of great pain.
For everyone to look, but no one to really see.
Wondering always what more is there and why are people this way.
I can't keep on questioning.
I walk a thin line between love and hate.
I feel that time has definitely made me this way.
I'm losing something, but gaining much more.
I dance and sing and play in the rain.
I love no one, but my heart feels for everyone.
There's so much more isn't there... there has to be.

Just a Little Bit.

Keep in mind that time is a sole entity.
That it is one thing, but yet it is everything.
She was someone who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone
Who had nothing, but who wanted everything.

She loved like there was no tomorrow, with such passion and fury.

As though the sun would never rise again, as though the ocean would stop being blue.

She knew that the piece missing within her could one day be filled and she knew exactly how,

it was just that each and every time she tried she was left feeling bluer than before.

On well to the world, to the fish in the sea, to the pain that no one could see.

Dying inside but she keeps trying.

Swimming against the current that is life.

Wondering why at every corner.

I can't tell you how many times she wondered why.

She is still searching, she is the light on the lighthouse in the distance.

Surrounded by fog and dark sea; as far as the eye can see.

Standing strong, unwavering in her search for it all.

Til the end of time, til the heavens open up, or everything just ceases to exist.

Whatever it may be she's dedicated to learning the truth, finally. 

I Can Give You a Piece of Me.

Holding onto something that isn't real
Feeling like the world is coming down
Spinning and flipping around
Nothing ever stops, time is always lost
I see through eyes of a broken heart
My soul drifting away, my hopes are always on display
Don't hold it against me that I'm adrift at sea
Many things still worry me, but I square it away until a different day
You'll be pleased to know that I am a fighter
Facing danger head on, never looking away
You can trust me when I say that you are loved
Even when it's not always the most obvious thing
We venture through life and sometimes experience grave hours
I can say you'll always be saved, but still be strong
For fear is the only thing that'll steer you wrong my love.

Black Beauty.

You look right at me and see through the exterior,
Deep inside my soul.
It's as though you found what you're looking for.
I kiss you softly, it's as though the heavens start to sing
Don't know what you do to me, but it's tearing me apart.
What can I do?
This black beauty is finally free.
My heart beats strongly to be with you, as though the world would come crashing down
As though oxygen is no longer found.
My being gravitates to you, and soars through the cosmos with every touch.
This feeling is unbreakable, I can't imagine life without you.
You make this black beauty feel free again...

short and to the point.

I just want to prove to the world that I can accomplish something.
That I can make a difference., that I can help a person in need.
I look around me and I can see so many people doing good
When is my chance?
When will I have my own chance to succeed?
I want to succeed.

Giving Me Hope.

He gave me something I could understand
Something that I could hold and eat in my hand
It's like finally someone understands my life
Knows what I should've done and knows my plight
I know I made shameful mistakes and I acted an utter fool
But I feel it was necessary to teach me what I should never do
Maybe there is hope for me after all, that I'll get my life together
The sorrow and hate that's wrapped in me deep down it might finally go away.
After all why should we be angry and sad if it'll screw things up with the next one.

A love story baby.

She's patiently waiting
Biding her time, looking at her watch only sparingly
She's excited because she hasn't given up hope on something...
Love.

I don't know what is out there, but I know that it's there
I feel it deep down to the core of my soul
It's there.

She keeps wondering why, why does stuff happen
What's the reason for the people in her life coming in
So many questions, with no answers.

I go throughout my day wishing..wondering..waiting
You're out there somewhere and I already feel it in my heart that I love you.

She's relieved, relieved that she's got a chance at happiness
She looks in a mirror, shyly, and sees her beauty
Wondering when someone else will see it too.

I hope that you know that you will be loved to your hearts content and beyond
I wonder if you're happy, if you've made it through your first real heart break, if you've achieved many of your goals
I'll be ready, I promise you that I'll be worth the wait.

She's on a first date at a fancy restaurant and there's a glimmer in her eyes
Leaning across the table intimately talking to him
They share a kiss and know that they have finally found one another at last.

lost and now...

I've been stupid these last few years.
I fell in love with a devil.
Lost pieces of me.
Belittled myself..i basically put myself in this little box for awhile.
And for what, to be loved and not forgotten ?
Yea, well now I am lost.
I've lost my friends.
Distant from family.
I don't take care of myself, because I don't care.
I eat everything, drink, curse, lie to myself, lash out, get involved with inappropriate people.
I'm fumbling with my demons this summer...
And there is this mirror that I am being forced to look into..
And what do I see?
Well when I reluctantly take a peek I see someone with holes in her heart..
Someone who has wanted to give up for awhile now, but can't find the nerve to completely throw in the towel.
I'm never gonna be the same little girl I was when I was learning about life, or the teenager I was when I started experiencing life.
To be honest I don't want to be..because I'm smarter for it now.
 Because even if I don't realize it I'm safe, better off, and stronger for everything.
Nothing in life lasts forever, not relationships, not feelings, not even a good phone battery.
But when I can find happiness in cooking or enjoying wine or reading a dirty book I'm gonna do it.
Because at the end of the day I have me, and I'm the only one who will hold me down.
It's nice to have guys around to make me feel desired, but are they worth the time?
Not likely.
The other night my perfect man came to me in a dream, everything I could ask for down to his choice in wine..
That's who I'm waiting for..
One day when my heart is filled up more and I'm on my path again, everything will happen as it should.
I know that there is some greater purpose for me, I just have to get ready.

Let Go.

I've got to let go of the hate, it's time to show the world that I am here.
Underneath all the pain, self-hate, and denial I'm still alive.
It's been two months and life has gone on..
I spend time looking into my hopes, dreams, and future.
I want to succeed and I don't try.
Let love lead you down a path of destruction, but hopefully it'll one day help you find your way back.
I'm taking the incentive to take control of my life, no matter where it may take me.