Waking Up To You.

I leave the dream world in search of you, because I love waking up to you.
The morning light hits your eyes just right, giving me a chance to see your truth.
Look at what you've done to me.
Making simple things seem extraordinary.
Your love shines bright and early.
Carrying me through the day to the night in anticipation of the next morning.
I take your face between my hands and image what you've seen and what you'll do in life.
Given faith that even the most devoted envy I give myself to you.
Mind, body, and soul.
Hoping that one day it'll all make sense to you.
I do nothing in regards to obligation or social normality.
Everything is born in the heart and carried on through.
That lustful hunger you feel is unbearable, but you know just what to do to drive it off.
My body sings for you.
The universe gives birth to something we all needed.
Me and you.
Some things were just met to happen.
Some things needed to happen so we'd know what the far reaches of love were like.
So we'd know what it felt like to be needed and wanted and fought for.
Every morning I wake up I know it could be the last.
And im okay with that.
Because all the food for thought you fed my soul could keep me satisfied for years to come.

The Morning After.

Clarity reaches the mind, the heart is no where to be found.
All this happens in the morning.
I want to be alone she said out loud.
These words spoke volumes to her story that was still unknown.
Her heart was empty.
She couldn't let go of the past, couldn't help but feel as though her love was used and abused.
Time and time again, she recalled all this in the morning.
When dreams reflected everything her heart desired.
When time couldn't quite grasp what it was her mind could.
When all the colors and sounds she ever knew turned to nothing.
All of this happened in the morning.
That heavy feeling in her heart, followed by that hollowness in her mind.
Reaching out for help when no one is even there.

Gone Are The Days of Not Living For Me.

I choose me.
Rather than being a pawn in your life, the unrequited love, pain in your side,
I choose to love me.
Years have gone by and I've been so strong in this stride.
I've climbed mountains, maneuvered great waters, and soared through clear skies.
If I want to finally take some time back, be good to myself then I will do that.
People come and go, just as leaves stray way from their mother tree.
I've reached deep down into my soul to discover that I can do this alone.
And it won't be a bad thing.
It won't remotely be a bad thing for me.

The Elements of Being Alone: You're Never Really Alone.

I've always been my greatest love affair.
Falling for myself, I couldn't keep my feet from slipping beneath me.
Nothing could ever compared.
It took losing so many to learn that all I really needed was myself.
Because sometimes you just need a friend and not a lover.
Sometimes you just need peace and quiet and not the screams we can never stifle.
No regrets, I've lived with no regrets.
Everything that I've been through I wouldn't wish it away.
From my deepest of pains to my childhood memories.
Those lessons that came, the ways I could help others learn from my stories.
To this day I hold my head up high because of me.
Because every time I wanted to walk away, I couldn't.
I never gave up.
Dancing along the fine line between sane and pure insanity.
Waltzing my way into the beds of the bad just to keep away the nightmares.
Holding on just to keep holding on and not feel that deep intense feeling of failing another.
The truth is.
Me as a person, my entire being will only compliment some.
And that's okay with me.
Bring it on complimentary beings

Hot Tub Blues.

I give so much.
Yet they don't love me.
Why is that?  I can't give you the sun when I am the moon.
Why can't you know what I am to you?
Things don't make sense when you're in my space.
I care, I do but why don't you see me like I'd love you to.
So I sit up hoping.
And that's what you'll ever be to me.

We're Done Here.

I just want to be free.
So free yourself the boy replied.
I can't tell you many many times I've died inside.
But do they die with you he asked?
I thought for a moment before I spoke.
They never even knew what beautiful disasters were within me.
How can you be free if you don't let go?
How can you let go when you aren't free from the get go?
So the cycle must be broken somehow, you must prioritize what matters to you most.
Because at the end of the day you are you're longest long term relationship.
I'd pick me over you any day is that what you want me to say?
But there's not a me without you, when you are my heart.
Your heart is complete with me, but let's focus on getting your mind some peace and serenity.
I never doubted that you'd guide me into believing I'm the power to healing. . .
Letting go isn't about letting any off the hook.
Letting go is about taking charge of the things you decide to put time in energy into.
And I choose me.
Because without me there won't ever be a you.

Dark Days Again.

The whole while she was running towards you she was running away from everything else.
You look into these big brown eyes, but there's no soul behind them.
She loves with a broken heart, it's tainted, impure.
Walk away before the floor turns to quick sand.
Trust in the fact that she will never be perfect, she will never understand.
Try as you might to break through thick walls, but each time failure shows its face.
Slip those little pink pills into her hands.
Let her melt away, because she isn't able stand up against reality.
They say she's broken, that she's so tortured.
But she just can't ever forget the look on any of the faces she has shamed.

The End of the Beginning.

He said he might have a girlfriend soon.
He looks at me with eyes that have seen it all.
Hungry for more of my everything.
When did I become his everything?
Was it when I walked through that door or when our souls were created?
We were made for this.
When it's right it's right.
And things haven't been right for awhile.
So I keep myself good for him.
All fuckboys of my past only a whisper.
How can you love so much yet feel so alone?
Clearly there's a piece missing.
The part that puts everything else into place.

Changes.

You're given the chance to pull your head above water.
What will you do?
Sink or swim?
Do or die?
You know they'll be there for you regardless.
So why do you cry?
We all know your sad little song.
Been hurt more than a fighter working towards the championship.
Sit back and watch the beauty unravel.
Linger in the moments where you laughed because you've never been loved like this.
No questions need to be asked.
No games are even necessary.
Because you want this to work out.
You need the light and want to live on that pedestal you've become a bit fond of.
So smile like the sun and be as free as the sea.
Maybe this is everything you know you deserve.

Loveless.

What is it your heart desires? Who do you need to love you? Why can't you feel okay? The questions I ask myself, yet seldom come up with an answer. I'm not one to throw pity parties these days. I'm a strong independent woman. But at times fall victim to the darkness. It pulls me in and reminds me why life isn't a happy fairytale. It reminds me that I'm alone. It reminds me that everything meaningful in my life is only temporary. That this is what we're doing now and it won't be forever. Perhaps I won't get the love I deserve in this lifetime or even the next. Maybe I am one of the loveless. Destined to be alone for eternity. Maybe it's just impossible to love someone as fucked up as me. Afterall, if your creator talks to you like shit what does it matter if everyone else does. This is the source of my darkness. Of the sadness that courses through my veins. I just want to feel alive again.