Do You Hear Me?

I'm a terrible person.
Trying to do it all but doing nothing at all.
I feel like I'm paddling in a boat with just one ore.
Forever going round and round all alone.
I've never been so dazed in my life.
Never been so hurt and low down.
I don't feel like I can do it anymore.
Life is really showing me what I've become.
Dreams turing into a nightmare.
One by one.
I'm doing the most but not getting it done.
I want out.
Outta a life where I can't win for losing,
Where I can't see the goodness.
I just want to give up...
I feel like I'm in trouble.
How do I get up?

Pulse.

Hours gone, but never forgotten.
Gasps of breath.
Lips searching for yours.
That feeling when you get out of control.
Touch a body that's never been touched, never been explored before.
Finding all the right spots in all the right places.
Forceful grab.
Intentional hair pull.
Bite on the neck.
Tasting love, fear, desire, and despair.
It's unheard of, what's going on here?
It's so new, sinful, amazing.
Wrestling my body underneath yours.
Welcoming you to the gateway to heaven.
Escapsing a personal hell.
Eyes see the inner skull.
Heart rate is going at it double time.
Moans of relief are soon to follow...
Then I have a thought...
Where did all the fear go?
When did passion and pain become better?
I listen to your final breath, our bodies are through for.
You memorize patterns of stars in the sky while I quietly wonder why...
You're gone.
Never turning back to say goodnight.
We all make mistakes right?
Thoughts of forgiveness already cloud my head.
I have to be stronger than this.
I taste it still...the passion, the fear, and the pain.
And it all tastes so good to me.

New.

I have this new view. On the sixth floor seeing things as though I haven't before. I think that one thought that life is too short. I go a floor higher. I think that we're all alone in this world, from start to finish. Now I'm on the top floor. No one can tell me what to do. I have my life, you have your own to do things to. I make my way up to the roof. Cold as ice, no one in sight. It's dark. At this point I've realized all that I have lost in life. There is nothing that can replace it. My heart is dripping out down back to Earth. I want to go with it. There's no point of return. I see the horizon. All the lights sparkle like jewels. My soul is in this city. I escaped here to find myself. Bury me where I stand. No heart. No soul. No life. I must go. Leave the rooftop back down to Earth. Where all is warm and comforting...or so I thought before. My dreams are so unachievable. Hope is lost. My mind is no more. I look down from the top only to see I am so deep in the ground. There is no more light. Nothing to look forward to. Empty. Lost. Gone.

First post, last post.

When this began it was all happy, it was grand.
Now rumbles is where we stand.
I love you dearly, I do.
And forever you will be in my heart where you belong, as I do in yours.
Onw day I decided I could love you forever.
I decided I was ready for whatever a real relationship was to bring.
I trusted you with everything.
I loved you in every way.
Making sacrifices, trying new things.
I began to change.
Now here I stand, not even close to who I was when I began.
I've toughened up, realized how real this love can be.
It's forever, because I can't stop loving thee.

Starting over from Coal.

I feel as though a chapter has closed and another has began. I want to see straight into your heart, see the love again. I think that time is passing by and I've been waiting...for the bliss, for the ring, for the house.

But I can't skip chapters of our life. We both have unfinished business to attend to before we can start our lives. I want to make sure things are pristine, otherwise our hands won't be clean.

I'm sorry that I hurt you. That I gave you pain. I don't know where my voice has gone because of it. I just kind of have to handle things as they happen. Let so much go.

I lost something that day. My fire was smothered.

I lost my heart, my mind, and my life.

Touched by an Angel.

Heaven sent you came to me. Doe eyed. Bright wide smile. Giving me life. A love I never thought of. I knew of love. Often one sided. More of a fixation on someone, because of bad attributes. Maybe because they felt I was a catch of some sort. I tell you now that you became my world day one. You became everything as though I had never won. I saw a side of you that could love me til the end. I saw a side of that was kind, loyal and serious about loving me. Here we are serval years aside. The love is still here, sometimes it comes in with the tides. But I learned of a different side one darker than the night. It torn me up inside. Now I have this secret that I cannot tell. Something I wouldn't even know who I could trust with. I want to make sure you get all the help you need. I never want to see you crying on your knees, begging God to take something from you he gifted you. I feel responsible, but at the same time I can't believe it. Everytime I think of it. It puts a little burning deep inside my heart. You compare your love for me to the woman you loved. And it hurts because I feel that I am fallimg short. I don't know where I went wrong this whole time, but I have definitely learned a powerful lesson. Hearts have feelings, and stones do not. Know the difference, know why you fought. Pray to Him and he will release the pain. Answer when He calls, not when you've just gone insane. I love, you love, you love.

The shift.

Something took place here that's unforgettable.
I witnessed a crime that nobody knew happened to you.
I realized you can't handle things the way I put them to you.
I realized you're a softer human being than we all knew.
I died again and again as I realized I was losing you.
Having to catch you only to have you slowly slip out of my grasp again.
It's torture to keep this secret from the world.
To have to watch you more closely.
To not send you flying as I sometimes can do.
I'll make my way to your heart again and never will I break it.
Never will I forsake it.
Never can I push you away because that wouldn't be true.

Different Colored Eyes.

Please see me for who I am.
Looking into my soul with quiet eyes.
You see the truth, the sadness, the abuse.
The story is told ...
We sometimes take advantage of love and faith.
Thinking it will never go astray.
I pray for thee, to no longer forsake my love.
Don't take it away.
It wasn't written that it was limited, but it hurts for it to just be taken away.
We took time to get this way and it'll take us time to recuperate.
Stay by my side he said, I need you for life as well as love.
He said to her he realized his ways.
That's when he knew he had to take it all away.
The story ends with a kiss of redemption.
Bringing along a love that was once known.

My soul.

My heart, gone.
My soul, shaken to the core.

I loved someone, but that love turned cold.
Left alone, broken.

Crying til I can't no more.
Screaming because I was left.

What can right these wrong?
What will make us strong?

Stay.
Leeave.
Change your life.

Realize there is nothing wrong with sayimg it's ok.