So it's true.
I won't be waking up to you.
I won't listen to your heart or your breath.
It sucks when you picture a life.
When you hear sweet words and wonder "Oh my, this can't be life".
Well it isn't my dear.
I fear the day I'll wake up and no one will be around.
So cold and lonely this winter, but I rather not be found.
I apologize for worry.
And the pain.
Lord forgive me.
I lie in shame.
What does it mean when I know I can love you?
Does it mean I've been here, done that, and it'll all end soon?
I see something in you I haven't seen in another and it keeps me coming.
Simple days, simple nights and I can't keep running.
Whether I'm ready to settle down or we just connect, I don't know but I'm loving it.
I've never been more scared than I am now.
Hands around my neck.
Tears in my eyes.
But I love you.
These are lies I tell myself.
Palms to the wall.
The earth losing all connection with me.
The stars rise and my hope in you falls.
I'm sorry I had to end it.
No mercy.
I pushed you to a breaking point you wanted for so long.
But I care for you.
Like mothers do their children.
Like farmers care for their land.
I stood by you all these years.
But before I knew it I was gone.
I was no longer yours and you were no longer mine.
But I loved you.
As you let me slip away you took the last thing I had left.
You took away my desire to die.
I found life in that very moment between life and death.
I had never wanted anything more.
And I think you knew that.
I think you saw it in my eyes as they slowly closed.
I think you found what you were looking for.
It's just too bad you can't steal this will to live from another.
As I rest in peace you'll still be looking for a reason to live.
If only you knew how the gods watch over you.
Protecting and admiring.
They love every part of you.
Looking up to the clouds in the sky and you find your ecstacy.
No other moment could come close to a moment as nice as this.
The love you have inside of you is forever.
Darkness may take over each time thereafter though you survive.
Why?
Because you were made to love a million times over.
Can't quite find your stride in life so you keep a steady waddle.
Hopefully one day it all comes together as we once hoped.
Even if I let go they're all with me
Leaving a song or a piece of their life behind with me.
I still hop up in the morning thanking God I made it to another day.
I just wanted to say I love you and everything I do now is in hopes to get another tomorrow with you.
No matter the trials it's always me who perseveres.
Keep me in your heart even when I'm no longer here.
As you block me out I'm pushing in.
Straight to the darkest part of my soul.
I ask that you forgive me as I fall apart because you might feel my icy cold.
The best thing now is to be apart.
So I don't lose control.
The idea of not being able to see the light is a tragedy.
I tried so hard to be so many things to so many people.
I feel a hundred years old.
The worst part is that what I have to show just isn't enough.
I can't be happy with things and stuff.
All I want is for someone to say "cheer up, let's talk".
I never wanted to see so badly.
This darkness inside was unheard of.
I deserved everything that had come.
My heart was squeezed dry, every last drop of love vanished.
There was a point I didn't care.
I just wanted someone there.
But then I yearned for someone to play a role.
But there was a scarcity of actors and so I made best of what I gathered.
I made up all these good feelings.
I projected.
I had always been the one picking up the pieces.
But I've hit a wall.
And now I must free fall.
I don't know if I'll survive it.
I don't know if I'll make it.
But I'll always be remembered as the one who loved many and too often...the one who was never enough...destined to be just one.
