Remorse, Gratefulness, and the Reality.

I can't forgive and forget.
You gave me all the love I was missing and then took it away.
All that's left is a shell and you're to blame....
I wish I could blame the pain on someone other than my creator.
This shit cuts deep and it's not even done cutting.
You don't even know me..maybe my age and my name are a thing, but who am I?
Just another human being you see walking down the street.
She left me at a young age, making the things you're supposed to make.
Those choices you choose as a single parent.
I'm not saying you we're wrong, but you could have did a lot better.
I surround myself with laughs and giggles and love that I never felt.
These people are what take away the pain and piece me together again.
Any support I need or help with self reflection and they're there.
Not even a pro in the game yet they've taught me so much good.
And good is what matters in this world..it's what will make the difference in this world.
Sometimes in life you cross paths with people that aren't supposed to be there, from day one it was decided.
And so you let go so they can go to where they belong, and save the souls that were meant for saving by them.
Not everyone will need you... not everyone will even want you.
So why waste time?
Why cry over those that don't fit into your life?
You gotta stop riding in cars with boys.
You have to.

It Doesn't Go Away.

You can't save them all, neither can you let them all vanish.

 When it happens to you who will be there to pick you up right again.

You seek the truths of ancient time questions, well you aren't the first one.

It's said that love can conquer all, but can it fix these fears?

 Can I let you love me for more than a night?

Shit gets real when you're alone on the floor in a dark room.

 With only the eyes of God and demons looking upon me.

I disappoint you every time, and every time I think, "why is my life such a reflection of you"?

 I sit there and ponder the worth of my love to you, I wonder if I'm just wasting my time here.

Trivial things cross my mind, and that little light goes away.

You spent your whole life breaking down all that I built up.

I've been trying for years not to fall into an early grave, but you kept pushing me down deeper.

I doubt that in ten years I'll be bumming on the streets, or that I'll be amounting to nothing like you thought.

Even if I can't get my own the first time around I know someone else will have my back even if it isn't you.

I waste a lot of tears on you when it's obvious I'll always be hurting.

I sit there and realize this and wonder why I can still love you... you that brought me into this world and have almost taken me out a few times.

I learned to find comfort in the pain, I'm always ready to hurt, always ready to miss someone, always ready to die.

Cause that's when you're there for me, when it's time to hurt me again. 

I'm the living queen of darkness and I can't be found.

You see the scars on my being are just a light representation of the scars on my heart.

I'm so hurt and it can't be helped until I do something to help.

But how do you paddle upstream?

How do you defy gravity?

How do you work through the pain?

 

Blood and Pain.

Stay until l figure it out, until the pain goes away. Wash away the blood and forget that all of this ever happened. Take me back. Love me harder and don't ever lack passion. A kiss filled with a thousand words, our body's meet and fit perfectly. The heavens open up in glory. Rays of light come forth and it's judged to be good, it's almost perfect. You carry me away from a sea of discomfort. I recall the days when I was loved and drift back into darkness. I can't see a thing. I'm pure emotion. And a wrath of hell passes through. You forget my charm, my beauty, and sweetness. Now all you see is a damaged girl..and she'll soon be forgotten.