Wholesome

 No one realizes that I'm the type of girl that loves everyone…Even when love is lost I know I will love again, even in love I feel that strangeness of how I could love whomever. The problem is, not everyone can love me. I'm so worried about falling into the hands of the wrong one, I'm so worried about falling into the hands of no one. I've made my mistakes and made my apologies…I've prayed and sweared to death. I'm hurting now, because I'm no longer a cup of tea. I'm not longer a simple child, I'm a slightly cynical/slightly broken young woman with all of these issues. Parts of me were stolen, other parts were lost, others I gave away. I don't believe that I'm a wholesome woman with tons of self-respect anymore. I believe I let go a lot and swore off many of my standards. If this is what it feels like to be alone I want nothing to do with it. If this is what it feels like to be misunderstood I want to wake from this nightmare. Spare my heart the from the aches and pains. If you do anything for me you can just spare me. I need a moment to live without feeling like a complete and total mess. I feel as though I project the feelings of what I want out of a relationship on other people too much. I go in expecting the world instead of taking them for face value…I put them on this high up pedestal because of how excited I get at the thought of them doing/being what it is I need out of a partner. I'm sorry. Sorry for all the pain I caused and the time I wasted. Sorry for all the words I didn't say and the ones I used against you. I'm just sorry.

River.

With the eyes of a believer I look to you for guidance.
I hear your heart beat, it's filled with love and triumph.
You have many a tales to tell, but there is silence.
You ignore it all and keep to yourself.
I can feel your presence everywhere, you never beseech me.
You just stop and stare, and wait for my next move.

To Know Her is to Love Her.

She knew she could love again, and she would.
More fiercely and passionate than before.
Taken for granted no more, won't be pushed to the side.
She loves and she loves again.
She tries her very best to be okay, but it's never meant to be.
She was born to love a hundred times.
She always felt kind of free.
No matter how devoted and in love, she knows forever lasts for only a moment.
Those throws of passion you feel with her, that longing in her eyes for you.
She's had it a dozen times before, and it won't stop with you.
She may love you, give her heart up, thank the heavens for your birth,
but she will never stay by your side.
She has known this for a very long time, and she's okay.
However you are not. You can't sit there and tell yourself she isn't for me.
She has you convinced that it was meant to be, that love began with her and it'll last an eternity.
You savor her kisses more and more each day, because you know she is a free soul, meant to travel to the seven wonders of the world and never return.
You realize that she leaves as fast as she came into your life,
you realize that nothing will ever be the same.
Because she rocked your world and made you feel things.
Good girls finish last all the time, but her, she always comes out on top,
she'll always be okay, because she understands the destiny of loving and then loving again,
that is what's really meant to be...

Energy.

Escaping my vessel, leaving me with nothing.
I can't even tell you the time of day or why my mind is astray.
I hope that I can help you one day, make everything that was wrong right again.
I feel this tiny emptiness forming at the pit of my stomach.
This aching in the chambers of my heart.
I let someone take another piece of me,
It was my hope, a little bit of my dreams.
I say sorry to my being.
I fall to my knees, down to the Earth comprised of all our heart and tears.
I see the birds, and clouds above me, the gentle sway of the trees.
I fall victim to the beauty of it all,
I drift off into a slumber that takes me back to birth, to childhood, to my adolescence.
Forgive me for I forgot all of these moments.
Back then I didn't know any better,
I didn't know that the world was so scary, that people would break my heart,
That my love would fail to cease.
I feel the gentle vibrations coming from the very core of Earth and I wake,
Tears dripping down my face
 Because I forgot how hard it is for me to take a break from my heart ache,
That even in my dreams it continues to haunt me.
That even I can't slip away from reality.

This is a Love Story.

So the honesty gets me there, takes me to places I wondered of
Exploring the unexplored, writing the unwritten.
I'm happy to oblige, I aim to please.
I look to see what you see in me, and I'm mesmerized
Watching you as you watch me, I'm not all that serious
I won't hurt you though, hold onto that worry a little and then let it go
You can only be you for so long before you start becoming the person you really want to be.
I want to bring out the very best in you, don't hide it anymore.
Laugh until you're young, wild, and free.
Take my hand and I'll lead you to the promise land..
Even if you stray I'll show you the right way.
Trust is key here, love is our glue, and forever is what we've always been after.

The Sun, The Moon, and The Earth.

She feels like the mother of Eath..
All the connections, all the right and wrong, all the love and hate, the forgiveness and vengeance coursing through her veins.
Her tears are seen by many and her heart touches the hearts of others.
She's fighting to make a difference, to find solace from her sins.
Reach to the sky and the sun is gonna shine.
She fades into the wind..
A distant memory, a warm feeling in your heart.
She is the sun, the moon, and the earth..
She holds onto a feeling that she has never felt before..
Bringing people together, loving when no one else can.
She lost her faith but wants to find it again.
She lost her mind but found her soul in the process..
You can't blame her for being the mother of Earth,
when all she ever wants to do is feel alive.

Tired.

I find a growing sadness within my chest
Accepting the end of a new beginning.
I feel as though the soul inside me is going away.
I feel as though the wings I spread are here to stay.
I speak of love, sex, and losing myself, but maybe it's time to be found..
Maybe it's time to love me, maybe it is time to be my own best friend.
I live life for the sake of others most of the time.
I cry for them, pray for them, and exhaust so much of my energy on them.
I feel so crazy always.
I do so much, but yet there is no ripple in the sea of life..
I want a moment to myself, just long enough to wash away the pain, just long enough to recover.

Little Rants.

I guess it's something different for you than it is for me.
I see youth, fun, and good feelings.
Who are you to deny that of me?
I guess I'm a selfish breed.
I don't blame you if you want to leave..
If being free is too weak or scary...
But nothing will keep me from happiness again.
I've always known what I wanted, so fuck me for it.

The Wait.

You think that you made a connection..maybe you just fell for a dead man.
Reach inside a mind full of madness and you'll have to wait..
Wait to understand but even then you won't know what's coming next.
In a moment you'll offer everything up, not because of deep feelings or time, but because of desire.
You sit and you wait, this is the first time you've had to wait and it's unnerving.
All these questions upon questions you have.
You were so ready and expectant.
I guess you can't always get what you want..i guess sometimes you just have to wait.
Maybe there is much more to the process, a conversation, a fair warning or two.
I'll reach my goal sooner than later I hope.

Her Heart.

That taste you want to experience
Of your dreams, and fending off the nightmares
Hold her tight and she won't take flight..
Crumble into a million pieces, burst right at the seams.
She sees present, past, and future all at once
Not the type of girl you pass by without being mesmerized.
She's all over you and you still can't get enough.
Pouring into your heart and soul all at once
You feel like she was yours from the very beginning,
Like fate is what brought you together and destiny is what let you in her heart.
Either way it's all the same, her heart is dripping for you and you get to feeling parched.
You can't let her go, not without letting her feel what it is she deserves.
She lets you love her, just this once, just for this moment, maybe for a lifetime.
And you can't get enough, you feel it all as she does..
As she takes flight, crumbles into a million pieces, and burst right at the seams.
She's gone and all you have is the memory..
All you have is the passion that belongs to her.
She sees past, present, and future or so she thinks.
She gives you a moment then a lifetime.
She's yours as long as you think she is, then she'll slip away.
Because she'll always slip away. . .

Just So You're Fairly Warned.

I looked down and then up, there was love.
Right in my face like the fresh air on a summer morning.
I saw a passion arise from the night like fire.
Then the walls started to melt away.
I don't go above and beyond but for you I made that exception.
To know love is to have love, and to let it go is to finally understand that life goes on either way.
I see the birds and the bees getting together these days.
I drift away at sea and watch in a passive way.
What fears lie before thee?
What pains will I face today?
Certainly not those of yesterday, certainly not again I pray.
I reach up and there's your face, with a gentle embrace a calm washes over me.
I speak of such fires, and passions, and wonders because my heart is still a little astray.
If you think I speak the whole truth your wrong.
If you think you know me your wrong.
To know me is to love me baby, and your wrong.
I'm not your perfect lover, I'm not your china doll.
Just one lost soul finding its way.
One broken heart trying to piece it all together again.
I am me, I'm nothing more than what you see.