Ocean Faults.

There's been a shift in the winds..
The current picked up..not a storm per say, but the earth is no longer calm today.
I look across the horizon and see darkness.
The moon is high in sky, but there is no light illuminating.
I look up with hopeful eyes, but to no avail.
With closed eyes I feel soft lips on my neck..
I can't say that this isn't everything I've wanted, but is this a dream..?
When I open my eyes, everything comes into focus, and slowly fades away.
Firm hands are lifting me away.
"Don't hurt", only a soft whisper in my ear.
I drift away.
Waters are crashing down on me.
I'm floating away.
The moon glowing strong now, but he's so far away.
He looks with worried eyes as I'm washed away.
It's up to me to go to him, isn't it, I think.
I can't move.
My legs are as stone, and my heart is pounding.
I sink below the surface.
Watching as the moon turns into a distorted orb.
I can't look away.
They say your life flashes before your eyes, but the only thing I saw was that blurry moon.
Liars...I think as I slip away.

Be the Bigger Person They Say.

So much harder to do than you may think..
I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to lose it or walk away..
But be the bigger person is what they all say.
Why sit there holding onto anger and pain, just talk it out, face it.
I can't tell you how hard it is for me..
I don't come from a place where it's okay to take it..but I don't want to deal.
But I must be the bigger person they say.
Friends are valuable, some will come and go..but bad blood is the worst.
So please help me be the bigger person today.

I'm Trying...

Being a better person doesn't come with age, it comes with realizing something.

After all the time that has passed..you still haven't figured it out, I said to myself..

I won't be good for you, I'll do it for me, is what I realized.

I'll stand strong and wear a proud face, because people come and go.

If I'm the best I can be because of someone that may leave 

then I won't have anything in me when they are gone.

I made that mistake once.,and the more I sit there and dwell on that problem the more stupid I feel.

It's believed that holding onto the past will have you forever stuck in it...

I can't express how often that has been the case.

I hold onto all the pain..21 years of pain. 

I feel pain from times I wasn't even alive, from times I was barely even a thought.

It all hurts.

The most "selfish" person is really the most caring..most compassionate..most loving.

I bottle the true me deep down inside because no one deserves it, hell I don't even deserve it.

I tell lies about my good qualities, because I don't want to let someone down with my bad ones..

These tales I tell about my life aren't real..they aren't the true me.

It's just how one person made me feel and think.

I can't always point a finger.

I can't always be confined this way, can I? 

Potential Life Changing Events.

He says he has the capability to change my life.
I scoff, in what world will this life be any different for me.
I look into his eyes, soft and bright.
He saw me when no one else could, taking in my demons one at a time.
I'm losing it inside I explain.
Intentional words fill the air to put us into play.
What's a kiss to you?
Smoldering, undeniable.
Lifting me up.
I see that I know very little about him.
Much more than what meets the eye, but in time I'll find out.
He says he has the capability to change my life...
Well maybe my life is not the only life that requires changing.
Maybe I'll rush in, a blind fool, and show him something more.
I lose him when it's time though.
He gets lost in the waves of passion and drowns and loves every second of it.
I snap him back to reality again and again...
Reeling him into the lighthearted play and witty banter again.
I see you're moving though, in a different place but not very far away.
Opportunity still shows its face...
One day we will meet again.
And that day will be one of great sweetness, and I'll enjoy every little drop of it until the very end.

D.

The lights dim.
A soft stroke to the face.
A passionate kiss.
Oh, I can't wait.
I jump on the opportunity, a new kinda lust.
Fills me to the brim.
There are other feelings I won't write about here..but the feelings come to surface once more.
I realize that desire isn't confined to one person.
I finally understand "those" that are out there...
We're all just looking for the same thing, that one thing that we know will make us whole.
Everyone wants to be taken care of, loved, worshiped even...
And that's okay,
Cause at the end of the day we're only human.
We have a few basic needs.
So when I fill to the brim, I have no regret.
I think of all the time I've ever wasted playing it safe or being a good girl.
My cheeks flush.
I can't take it anymore.
I find my way to heaven..and never look down again...I found exactly what I need again.

A New One.

He made me laugh when a smile would never show on my face.
Giving me a hope for life that I still can't understand.
He jokes and plays and makes me feel better.
I don't understand why life is like this, why it's filled with different loves.
I don't think that I am supposed to go through life loving so many different loves, making so many different mistakes.
People walk in and out of your life like the seasons.
Well according to him, people come into your life like the seasons.
They come, they go.
They leave you sick, or riddled with hope.
For the first time I'm coming into my own, I'm getting things I've been wanting for so long.
But at the same time I'm losing a lot...
I can't say life is perfect, it's much better than before, but not perfect.
I have my heart locked away for safety, but my soul seeks fun and unsafe play.
I'll live a little.
I may hurt a little, but at least it's my choice.
At least I'm doing the things I desire.
They may all talk a pretty talk, and be on my team, but Lord only knows what they really are to me.
I know that my heart and my mind are one, so to truly recognize things, I need both.
Guess I'm not ready yet, so until then I will have my fun, experience it all...
And soak up the thought of people hating my life choices...
Why is my life your greatest story???
Look into the mirror, smoke up your trees, and paint your face to deceive, but leave me out of it.
I know life has much more in store for me.

the weirdness.

So here we are, just a little less of me.
I washed away my tears and looked into the distance...
I was no longer present in the mirrors on the walls..
I no longer had love in my heart..
The emptiness deep within is trying to be filled, with what they ask?
What could possibly make me whole once more.. I fought a hard battle which nearly tore me apart..
I was nothing, laying one with the earth..a whisper in my ear damming me for all eternity...
The wind picked up, a storm came and went...but there was a warm light that appeared.
That undying light showing me that I meant something to someone, that I was special, and that I was worthy of real love...I was set free to one day fly high with happiness, and although hitting rock bottom hurt, I mean it hurt like hell..i was free, free to make my own decisions and live my own life, however I felt like.