Don't Tell Me You Love Me.

I care for you. 

Deep down in my heart, I know I love you. 

It doesn't matter where we've come from, or what we will be. 

All that matters is you and me. 

The time I spend with you is truly living life. 

Desire pulsing through my veins. 

I can't help but look at you. 

Saying goodbye over and over again because I don't know if I'll ever see you again. 

I love you but I can't say it. 

I can only show you, when I kiss you and hold you and laugh wholeheartedly. 

I can't say it. 

But I love you. 

And one day we'll either come together in happiness or fall apart so tragically. 

But either way I'm glad to have had the time and second chance. 

I'm happy that for a moment you were mine. 

Same Shit Different Person.

I hate when my heart beats to dead ears. 

I can't imagine your world but I try my damnedest to get some form of the truth. The least you can do is the same for me.  

I sit here thinking of you and for what? 

Love was never apart of the occasion. 

You want me when you want me and then that's all. 

I'm sorry I'm so quiet. 

I'm sorry I don't get along with the world. These "problems" I have are ones I'm aware of. 

I can accept me but why can't you get with it. 

Am I really that bad, am I?  

Daze and Confused.

No one wants to be alone. 

Not having someone to share things with is most difficult. 

Not being able to turn to someone for comfort and support. 

I was a frazzled girl and then you were there to calm me. 

I don't always make the right choices. 

I don't play by the book or even think logically with you but I don't know. 

There's something about you that keeps me..just fine and content. 

I want the world, I want time and attention. 

I want to make you fall in love with me. 

I want you to trust me. 

I want to be the person who inspires you to live life and make good choices. 

There a lot of strength that you hold that I don't even think you realize. 

What could push you to get up every morning and work a nine to five? 

It's not just the money..there's not much glamor or fame. 

It's just you fufilling a purpose and I love you for that. 

This isn't our first time here in this strange  exciting terrifying space, so if we can't get it now, we won't have it. 

I'm scared to lose you. 

It's confusing because my senses and my heart dully remember how you made me feel. 

So I know that when it happens, that moment when I finally see you again it'll be electric. 

I'll have to contain myself. 

Because I've missed you and I've missed us. 

So here I stand. 

Stuck on what we had because I want you. 

I just don't know what other way to say it. 

When You Stop Lying to Yourself, and Do Right By Your Desires.

He's all alone. 

By choice or by force of nature he stands all alone. 

Figuring things out before he makes his next move. 

There's something to be respected about a man like that. 

There was always a degree of respect and admiration. 

I see that times are hard, it's like looking in the mirror. 

Maybe we'll find peace together by being apart. 

The sacred parts of me would like to wait on you but lord even knows if I'm first in line. 

So I'll do my best to follow your lead and figure out what I need from myself. 

Because it'll be worth it. 

Then the next time I lay eyes on you I know it'll be perfect. 

Whether it be a year or five I know we'd still be an option. 

So good luck to finding your soul and balancing your energy with that of the Earth. 

I'll pray for us both. 

The Light.

Out in the distance was a light, that shined so bright every night. 

Without fail this light would lead the hearts of many. 

This light belonged to an old lighthouse that stood alone in the far seas. 

No one ever really saw it up close or ever really looked at this lighthouse but they knew it was there. 

Without fail, night after night it would shine for the sake of others. 

This lighthouse saved souls, it saved lives. 

Even in the greatest of all storms it stood strong. 

Without fail. 

And for all of eternity it was destined to do just this. 

Hmm

Never one to blow easy in the breeze. 

Endings, and beginnings. 

That first thought, it was all that mattered.  

Everything was chaos inside, but on the outside decently put together. 

The glow was her guidance and the promise was her only hope.

If she made mistakes she lived with them. 

Not one to give up so easily when it came to matters of the heart. 

And perhaps that was her only fault. 

 

I Hold Onto To All I Was Given.

I love without reserve. 

It doesn't take much for me to love to no avail. 

I give what I've never gotten. 

Searching for someone who will see my soul for what it is and still love. 

Love shouldn't be this thing worshiped or searched for well that's bullshit. 

It's literally what were made out of. 

I am the product of my desires. 

It's ironic how I haven't been able to figure out too much. 

I've been roaming this planet for almost twenty-two years now and there's not much to show for it. 

Just a lot of dried up tears, scars from my dispair, and pain from everything I've lost.  

I've known these things so well, ever since I was a little girl. 

I wish someone would have told me early on that the world isn't a pretty place. 

That even if you grow up with love and attention one day you might be a fly on the wall that no one ever thinks of. 

Sometimes I wonder if I just went MIA would anyone really notice or even care. 

I wonder if I really was a mistake or something born out of guilt and unhappiness. 

I wouldn't be surprised. 

This darkness that dwells inside me is something the world isn't ready for. 

So that's why I have my secrets. 

That's why I hide my feelings. 

That's why I'll forever apologize for all the things that I am and will never be. 

Tired of Being Subpar.

I am mentally falling apart. 

I can't really breathe easy. 

Things are a mess in my life and it feels like shit to be so out of touch. 

All I want is happiness and love and appreciation. 

My mind, my body. 

Everything is at its peak with how much I desire from people. 

And I get nothing. 

Or what I get is not enough. 

Or I can't appreciate it. 

I can't do life right and all I feel like is that I'm going to fail. 

I don't think I'm ever felt so alone. 

Or pointless. 

Thoughts Between Sentences.

There's a gloominess in my soul. 

A spot in my heart where absolutely nothing is there. 

I think about you even when I don't want to. 

I just don't care. 

Reaching for stars that aren't there, wishes for miracles that God himself wouldn't even dare. 

A constant apology. 

A feeble attempt to do right and I can't even win. 

My soul is darkness within more darkness and no one knows. 

I'm sorry if my smile leads you elsewhere. Or my humor is the biggest of all distractions. 

That my hopes and motivation confuse you beyond belief. 

You'd never be able to see just how bad it is for me. 

Love is all. 

And all I cannot have. 

Therapy Sessions.

So I let it be known of my issue. 

My dependency. 

How there's this hole in my heart.  

More or less it gets filled but is left empty again and a little bit bigger everytime.

I love it, I hate it. 

I have to find a way to stop making fate so fatal. 

I have to believe in me and someone else. 

Hold my hand, keep it near to your heart so I can feel that it's real. 

That we're here without fail everytime like it's not a choice but it's required. 

Simply the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on and there's not much I would do to look away. 

Mesmerized. 

Everytime. 

I know that one day you'll have a face in my head and a place in my heart. 

But until then I'll just keep on with these therapy sessions until I put in enough good energy into the universe to be able to find you. 

The search continues on. 

Why She's Hopeless.

I spend a lot of time alone and I'm used to it. 

I keep moving forward with or without my team. 

Lots of love for the time I get to spend with you. 

All those memories rock me to sleep. 

I keep the thought of you close to my heart. 

Your aroma fills my lungs. 

It's so sweet. 

I can't take it sometimes. 

I know I'll fuck things up but I hope you'll still hold me in the morning. 

Don't worry about my sins and demons. 

I've been working for a minute to make everything right again. 

This just isn't for me. 

I'm trying to be everything for everyone and it's not adding up. 

I let go of myself in the darkness and each time it gets more frightening. 

I don't leave scares anymore but I feel the pain. 

It quakes my soul, and pulses through my veins. 

I'll shake up your world for the better, but drive you absolutely crazy while doing so baby. 

And all I'll say is sorry, then I'm gone. 

And Again, She's Yours.

With all that's going on why is it you're still the one I always run to. 

When darkness seeps in, you come with it. 

I embrace it, I love it. 

Cause I can never not be one with it. 

I look to you for everything I'm incapable of. 

For life, love, and the pursuit of something better. 

Of course I hope you're the better fit but I know the truth. 

I haven't loved another since you, but you aren't who I want or what I need. 

I trust that you'll hear me out when I say goodbye. 

I mean it with all of my love. 

Always keep me in your heart and remember where we both came from. 

I hope you find it, I hope it always holds you near dear, I truly do. 

I Know Myself Well.

I dedicate my nocturnal hours to you. 

I sit here staring at white walls thinking of what to say. 

I wonder why the darkness has been my best friend lately. 

Why my soul feels less and less there. 

I just can't hide the pain anymore. 

The thought of going through yet another day. 

Wash away my sorrows with rivers of hope. 

Rise from the depths of the sea with ample strength. 

We try all day, everyday, just to love again. 

Given these feelings I won't ever go long without falling hard. 

I see your face and I never stood a chance. 

My heart yearns for someone to be with. 

The guidance and strength that you provide is required. 

So many possibilities of what we could be. 

I want to see where this road takes us. 

What your heart is made of. 

I pray that my kindness doesn't go unnoticed or my life isn't minimal to the basics of your world. 

There's a lot of uncertainty of where things will go. 

But as always I'm down to see and grow and learn and love again.