Hearts.

I'm in deep. 

I never thought it would happen so soon.

I always hoped. 

I "searched" but I was never really ready. 

But I found someone whom I love and that cares for me without a doubt. 

I can't say if he'd take a bullet for me just yet but my presence definitely makes a difference in his life. 

And that's what matters. 

He makes me laugh, shows me affection, talks to my friends. 

The passion I feel from him is unreal, and it didn't take months of cultivating a fire. 

It was just there from the get go. 

I don't have thoughts or plans for the future, but hopes and dreams of tomorrow. 

All of these feelings may be a bit fresh and new, but seedlings eventually bud into beautiful blossoms. 

Love. 

Sweet Moscato.

He loves her. Well that's what she feels. He's sweet. He's her everything. She wants to love him for a very long time. She wants to hold him near and dear to her heart and turn his world upside down for the better. She wants to be in his heart as though that's where she always belonged...but he's elsewhere. He's living life, he's going through things. And it's hard. It's not something she has ever liked living through...so she twittles her thumbs and goes through life. And all she can do is wait and hope for a phone call, for a message, for his love again. 

The Four Letter Word Returns.

There was a shift in the winds, a slight pressure change in the atmosphere. 

It was barely noticeable but I noticed it there. 

I knew something was different. 

I felt it in my very core, that warmth that gives birth to butterflies that flutter deep inside your stomach until you're really to puke. 

I don't know if I can handle the responsibility, the emotional aguish that comes with falling. 

All the uncertainties and desires, all the necessities. 

But I had to accept the fact that I've loved you since early spring. 

And that my life wouldn't be the same without you at this point. 

One of my first thoughts in the mornings, my favorite hello and my most difficult goodbye. 

I hold you near and dear to my heart...

Laughing with Love.

You're always on my mind, like that song you can't stop thinking of. 

You're just always there, even when you didn't want to be.

I warned you time after time to catch yourself before falling, I had to a couple of times. 

It's unreal how I can feel so loved by you, you that I barely even know. 

Maybe it was all the late nights, or just destiny. 

Whatever it is I hope it doesn't hurt if I fall. 

You can't really time these things, or meet someone and just know they'll be a big part of your life. 

It's funny how life turns out. 

She Will Always Leave

The lights dim, the breathing heavies.
I close my eyes and my mind begin to wonder...
I can't sit still, and I know exactly why.
I flutter like a bird and jump to my feet.
Leaving you in the middle of the night is the only control I can find.
I don't want to watch you sleep, I don't want to hold you tight.
I slip out the door onto the balcony.
Having some time and earth all to myself.
My love echoes in the background...
"and if I die before I wake..
I pray the lord my soul to take, but please don't cry
 just know that I, have made these songs for you..."
For someone who spent so much time alone I never really got used to it.
I don't like cuddling because that's too comforting.
I can't hold your hand because that symbolizes unity.
I can't take your kisses anywhere but the mouth because that means you love me.
Maybe it's all in my head.
Perhaps I don't even know what I'm talking about.
You came into my life and I didn't even know what I was in for..
I just hope that when you break my heart I can get back up again.

When It Doesn't Even Matter Anymore. . .

Deep down I know this never works,

Making you apart of my darkness will only make things worse.

Those words will cut deeper than any knife can, 

my heart will bleed til it’s dry again.

Lose myself everyday and everynight,

am I even winning this fight?

I think of you so highly now,

I love you til the skies are blue and the earth is brown.

So curse me if I'm a fool to have fell for you...

Curse me if all I want from life is to be with you.

My Fears, My Doubts.

You won't make me happy, just like everyone else I'll turn on you. 

You won't care enough, or always be there. 

The "fun" will become a problem, the quirks will become digusting. 

That smile won't continue to be bright. 

I'll destroy you. 

I'll ruin your life before you even realize. 

But not before I love the fuck out of you. 

Not before I give you my everything. 

Not before I turn myself inside out to please you. 

I'll die in your arms as I always do. 

I'll disappear as suddenly as I appeared. 

And then that'll be that, I'll be as lonely as I was the day before you came crashing into me, the day you came crashing into my heart. 

I've been riddled a fool. 

I thought I could cheat the process and bypass all the steps. 

I thought I could stop myself from feeling, from caring about another persons feelings. 

But no matter how much I close my ears my heart longs to hear. 

I have feelings for you dear, and it's already hurting me. 

This Watch.

I hold onto you still.

You're as precious as time, and as distant too. 

The fake gold faded away just like you. 

The questions, the kindness, the trap are all but a memory. 

I hold onto you. 

Cause when I let you slip away other things become more real in other ways. 

The smiles, the kisses, the late nights become a necessity. 

The air I breath is always sweeter when he's around, my head in the clouds, my heart can't be found. 

I need you, but I'm not ready for this to be real. 

I'm not ready to fall for you. 

I don't have plans, I don't know where my happiness is. 

It's more about me than it is you. 

I care for you dear, but I don't want to change you. 

Your life is yours, and it's full of love and excitement. 

I've never met a soul that was so delighted. 

I have tons of questions and feelings inside that I just can't seem to get out. 

So I sit and watch and admire you in your element. 

Doing all that you do that makes you love life, and, all I can hope for is that I can be a part of all your joy. 

All I can hope for is that one day I can warm your heart up just a little bit more. 

As you do me.

I miss you so. I let go of the present in order to detach and grasp ahold to my past. I mean maybe I can't move on until I face it. I wiped all of our memories away. Now you're just a distant thought. A less hindering burden. I loved you and I let you go because you threw me away so long ago. I used to think of you so high and mighty like. I was a fool in love. I was a troubled girl. I replay the sweet memories and still recall our inside jokes. Will I ever forget you? I look into eyes, I taste lips, I please the soul. But everything I'm looking for probably won't come. Surely this is all false hope. I learn to love even when I don't like it. I share my heart, I share every little battle I had to fight. I give you me even when nothing is left. And I always remember that I am but a lone vessel trying to find some substance. But it's not enough. For you were never enough for me. So we dance along the line. Loving but not liking, seeing but not feeling, searching but to no avail. But when you let me go it was just a good a feeling as when you fell in love with me. Oh how I savor the joyous pain. 

My heart.

When you love someone you can literally feel life leaving your body as they cry. You feel the world crumpling down as they wonder why they aren't good enough. It hurts my heart to see you so distraught. You are beauty and happiness all in a single vessel. I watch you as you grow, day to day, as though you were my own. The love I have for you cannot be explained. It's the kind of thing that I can't shake nor do I want to stray away. I hope that you realized that you are loved. Even when the sun and the moon and stars disappear this fact should remain here. I try to comfort you when the fear sinks in, when that unbearable feeling of being alone rocks your nightmares again. I'm sorry that there isn't more I can do. I'm sorry I can't love you like you wish they would. All I can do is hope and pray that one day God brings love your way because you deserve it. 

Acid Trips.

I see the stars, the moon, and the universe on your body. 

It rivets me. 

Unattached to this world and too in touch with another. 

I'm captivated by the oxygen in our atmosphere, by the beat of our hearts. 

I see smells and feel colors. 

I am one with movement. 

My spirit comes forth and it's all over. 

I rest my soul in your hands, and take a bow. 

It's comforting knowing that you're there. 

It's nice to be free, and not at the same time. 

Here Everyday.

We talk, we obsess, we have sex. 

It's the best. 

I lose myself in the moment and forget about why I'm always stressed. 

I feel your heart, you drift apart, and I'm calm for a second. 

I think up all this shit inside my head and and I'm fed up with it. 

Even if I care too much my heart only does it for the best. 

My soul is fighting for more but I don't even really know about the rest. 

They say power will get you through, and hope will be the inspiration. 

I can't hold onto these wonders anymore. 

Let me go and find my love. 

Let me go and figure out where to start. 

Black is beautiful.

I paint my nails black, I dye my hair a darker shade. 

I, look to the mirror as though it'll show me something. 

I watch the clouds black, I see my world slipping away.

And I chase after you, like it'll make the day get better, again. 

I, don't know what to do. 

When life is drowning all of you. 

Friends with Benefits.

When they come back basically professing their love. 

What's to believe or maybe believe love is just a lie.

I know i could love but I stop myself from thinking of you. 

Baby the parts that are you keep me coming back for more. 

I can't say much, but it's you that calls the shots. 

Not necessarily a bad thing cause it teaches me boundaries that I once lost. 

I appreciate all that is you and your simplicity and complexity. 

I know that together we almost reach heaven. 

I've never had a friend that also satisfies my pleasures.

I don't understand and this probably won't end for the better. 

Sex is what you love and it's what we make it. 

But I guarantee it won't be something that keeps me appeased forever. 

I look into your eyes and see someone that's been hurt some bit, and I really, really can't begin to tell you how I feel about this. 

I probably feel much more than what is accepted, but honey I can't just shake the way you want me like tomorrow is close to ending.