Changes.

You're given the chance to pull your head above water.
What will you do?
Sink or swim?
Do or die?
You know they'll be there for you regardless.
So why do you cry?
We all know your sad little song.
Been hurt more than a fighter working towards the championship.
Sit back and watch the beauty unravel.
Linger in the moments where you laughed because you've never been loved like this.
No questions need to be asked.
No games are even necessary.
Because you want this to work out.
You need the light and want to live on that pedestal you've become a bit fond of.
So smile like the sun and be as free as the sea.
Maybe this is everything you know you deserve.

Loveless.

What is it your heart desires? Who do you need to love you? Why can't you feel okay? The questions I ask myself, yet seldom come up with an answer. I'm not one to throw pity parties these days. I'm a strong independent woman. But at times fall victim to the darkness. It pulls me in and reminds me why life isn't a happy fairytale. It reminds me that I'm alone. It reminds me that everything meaningful in my life is only temporary. That this is what we're doing now and it won't be forever. Perhaps I won't get the love I deserve in this lifetime or even the next. Maybe I am one of the loveless. Destined to be alone for eternity. Maybe it's just impossible to love someone as fucked up as me. Afterall, if your creator talks to you like shit what does it matter if everyone else does. This is the source of my darkness. Of the sadness that courses through my veins. I just want to feel alive again.

Just as Black as my Heart.

There's little hope for the wicked and you're no exception.
You think when love should be unconditional that it'll be the last to cause you pain.
I know for a fact now that there is no such thing as unconditional love.
For I have loved and hated.
I have been loved and hated.
I try entirely too hard to figure out my life. To be a lover and stray from the fights, from the anger.
I now wonder what is the point to it all
If I'm gonna be right back in the same darkness I came from, what is really the point?

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop.

That moment we've all been waiting for.
It's finally here.
My heart torn to little bits.
My pride and dignity intact but what's the use?
Won't keep me warm at night.
It's hard realizing that they aren't the right one.
It's even harder having to be the adult and tell them.
The whole time after waiting for a protest..or just wanting to take your words back.
It was the same thing with him.
It's the same with all of them.
I guess we were just two people hanging out.
It was comfortable but that's about all.
There was no dazzle, like the clouds.
No security, like the lucky ones.
There wasn't even promise.
Hope falls out.
My dreams are up in the air.
All that I know is I don't care anymore.
Perhaps I'll stop sleeping with the enemy, and start getting to know myself more.

To Mourn Those That Never We're.

I'm perfect at it.
Missing you that was never mine.
I thought I was the shit but your distance helped me realize quick that I wasn't it.
Alternate agenda?
Better offers out there..I'll never know.
But what I do understand is that the snow melted, but your heart was still cold.
Thaw out all my hopes and all you get is a wet dream.
I love with my body first, mind and heart will find their way after.
A part of me wants to lose control because of all the sadness.
Days fly by and it's already Saturday.
Where did my mind go?
Gone off substance and shit.
Who doesn't have problems ?
Who cried so much early on that they can't cry anymore ?
Whose heart hurts when they decide to keep breathing?
All we give are apologies.
No love, no care, less respect.
And what's left?
Just a half empty bottle of jack and shattered hopes and dreams.

I'm Single as Shit.

No heart.
No passion.
You don't even care.
All passive.
No aggression.
Are you even there?

Your heart resides in the slums you used to call home.
They can't even see you when you cry.

Leave and come back, but why? 
Speak but say nothing.
You know this is how the cycle repeats itself.

Are willing to trade in your stability for a false hope of security?

Will this be a detour off my path onto an even darker one?

When we open up it all comes pouring out
The cries when you begin to deal with your lack of attention.
The worries that money rules the world.
Your questions of humanity.
Are you really a good girl?

In bed by the time the sun sets.
You're a stranger to the night life.
But the bourbon on the dresser starts gleaming and comes to life.

You start to relive the old days when people were crazy for you, and not crazy with you.

You scoff a little at the thought that everything is so different yet it's all the same.

I've got those same fears and feelings but it's just a different day.

He says you won't find him in the past because he doesn't live there.

Not worried over the future because you have to give yourself to the present.

But how do you train your mind to only see one thing at a time?

Unlike me, who resides in past, present, and future and feels all their woes.

I carry my vices like a bag of groceries.

And she's all over me.

When will this drought end. . . ?