Giving Me Hope.

He gave me something I could understand
Something that I could hold and eat in my hand
It's like finally someone understands my life
Knows what I should've done and knows my plight
I know I made shameful mistakes and I acted an utter fool
But I feel it was necessary to teach me what I should never do
Maybe there is hope for me after all, that I'll get my life together
The sorrow and hate that's wrapped in me deep down it might finally go away.
After all why should we be angry and sad if it'll screw things up with the next one.

A love story baby.

She's patiently waiting
Biding her time, looking at her watch only sparingly
She's excited because she hasn't given up hope on something...
Love.

I don't know what is out there, but I know that it's there
I feel it deep down to the core of my soul
It's there.

She keeps wondering why, why does stuff happen
What's the reason for the people in her life coming in
So many questions, with no answers.

I go throughout my day wishing..wondering..waiting
You're out there somewhere and I already feel it in my heart that I love you.

She's relieved, relieved that she's got a chance at happiness
She looks in a mirror, shyly, and sees her beauty
Wondering when someone else will see it too.

I hope that you know that you will be loved to your hearts content and beyond
I wonder if you're happy, if you've made it through your first real heart break, if you've achieved many of your goals
I'll be ready, I promise you that I'll be worth the wait.

She's on a first date at a fancy restaurant and there's a glimmer in her eyes
Leaning across the table intimately talking to him
They share a kiss and know that they have finally found one another at last.

lost and now...

I've been stupid these last few years.
I fell in love with a devil.
Lost pieces of me.
Belittled myself..i basically put myself in this little box for awhile.
And for what, to be loved and not forgotten ?
Yea, well now I am lost.
I've lost my friends.
Distant from family.
I don't take care of myself, because I don't care.
I eat everything, drink, curse, lie to myself, lash out, get involved with inappropriate people.
I'm fumbling with my demons this summer...
And there is this mirror that I am being forced to look into..
And what do I see?
Well when I reluctantly take a peek I see someone with holes in her heart..
Someone who has wanted to give up for awhile now, but can't find the nerve to completely throw in the towel.
I'm never gonna be the same little girl I was when I was learning about life, or the teenager I was when I started experiencing life.
To be honest I don't want to be..because I'm smarter for it now.
 Because even if I don't realize it I'm safe, better off, and stronger for everything.
Nothing in life lasts forever, not relationships, not feelings, not even a good phone battery.
But when I can find happiness in cooking or enjoying wine or reading a dirty book I'm gonna do it.
Because at the end of the day I have me, and I'm the only one who will hold me down.
It's nice to have guys around to make me feel desired, but are they worth the time?
Not likely.
The other night my perfect man came to me in a dream, everything I could ask for down to his choice in wine..
That's who I'm waiting for..
One day when my heart is filled up more and I'm on my path again, everything will happen as it should.
I know that there is some greater purpose for me, I just have to get ready.

Let Go.

I've got to let go of the hate, it's time to show the world that I am here.
Underneath all the pain, self-hate, and denial I'm still alive.
It's been two months and life has gone on..
I spend time looking into my hopes, dreams, and future.
I want to succeed and I don't try.
Let love lead you down a path of destruction, but hopefully it'll one day help you find your way back.
I'm taking the incentive to take control of my life, no matter where it may take me.

Little

Funny how people will forget about you during your hour of need.
Life seems so simple, like there is nothing more to do, but breath, eat, and sleep..
The physical pain I feel will go away, but the mental tortures are here to stay.
Rest, don't fight it, just rest.
Forget about the pain.

Summer Fun.

Promise me you won't get involved.
It makes everything have a shot life span.
Summer fun, summer love.
I can give you what you need right here or I can let you drift away.
I see what you are here for and I can't help but drift away.
Sweet touch to my face and deep kiss to the mouth.
You taste of bitter raspberries.
I can't complain, the look in your eyes is intoxicating enough.
I couldn't even tell another soul of how you make me feel.
Smile to my face, sun on my cheeks, how can I let you make me feel this way..
Hands up, guards down.
I'll let you have me right here, right now.
Looking up to the clouds for answers, for reasons why, but I just can't seem to figure it all out.
You rest your hand on my head, and the clouds clear away..
There's nowhere I rather be, and no one I rather hold.
Kiss me until the summer fun grows old..

The Push and Pull.

Clear water, pushes and pulls me.
I don't know what to do but worry and enjoy it all at the same time.
I think one thing and put my foot down, but then my feelings tell me something else.
Forgiveness, overreaction, and second chances.
He knows these all too well.
I turn to a friend, so I won't be alone.
I'm sorry I'm so sensitive, but I've been through hell.
It's beginning to feel like a distant memory, that pain inside.
I'm not one hundred percent, but much better.
I look into the crystal clear waters and see my reflection..
You can have the world I think, a family, and nice things.
Love, care, and fun..loyalty, respect, and adventure.
I know one day I will get all the things I'm hoping for.
As long as I stand tall in these waters.

Writings on The Wall.

Look a little closer, you'll see something you never noticed.

Captivated by looks that's called lust and it'll get you good,

Everytime.

I'm sorry for the pain I caused, but this is the shit that I live for.

Make my life a little more pleasant, or just distract me from the things that make it hectic.

Look into your sweet eyes and wonder why..

Why me?

Why now?

And what does all this mean?

I stay quiet, try not to question the passion we ignite.

Can't stay away no matter how hard I try.

As much as I can't stand you I like having you there, listen to me talk about my shit

I really don't think that you care, but you comfort me and challenge me on my bullshit.

On my toes, I'm always there, but you try to stay two steps ahead, but I'm four baby.

Try and keep up.

I put you back in your box until you prove me wrong,

That you're not like all the others that come in and out of my life like a wrecking ball.

I stand strong, but I have my needs.

No soul wants to soar alone, just freely.
I can't believe how far I've come, heart obliterated and gone, but I keep two feet on the group, sorta.

I'll be waiting for you to look up and read the writings on the wall, then maybe you'll finally give me a call...

The Works.

I've know your type for a while.
Give and take back what you gave.
Be there and then fade away
I hope you understand why I came..
Here for the thrill, fuck the games
But when they don't act right let them explain.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, don't act that way
I've heard it all before, so this is like a rerun for a girl
You send a few texts my way, a phone call here and there
I won't let you in again..so deal with it baby.

Live a Little Less..Err Something.

No expectations.
With that you can never be let down.
Something I am trying not to always be.
Life is stressful as it is.

I see that you're unhappy.
I look at you and see a bit of me.
Trying to fight for something that was once good.
Holding out hope for the person of your dreams.

Realize that things won't change.
That when you see true colors, they aren't gonna go away.
When you feel the pain, and then make up, a little of it lingers each time.
Pieces of you chip away.

Falling victim to the personal hell you created with someone.
Wrapped up in your own demise.
Don't hold on to it.
Remember who you are and where you came from.

s k i n n y.

Come on skinny love just last the year,
holding onto love, and pain, and fear.
Gave up on what I knew before just to give you strength within.
I loved you when no one else knew to.
Why did I get hurt the most...?
Come on skinny love what happened here?
Who's to know the tales of our love anymore, but these scars I hold near.
Trying to, forget it all, just give me a break.
I don't know what the future holds to this day..

It Happens..

Sometimes we fall victim to tragedy and then we lose ourselves and then what?
Do we ever find solace again?
Can we ever really sleep soundly again?
I found a lover, someone that might care..
Someone that calls and shows up and sends good morning texts..
What more could a girl ask for?
Maybe a heart that wasn't torn into a million pieces.

Someone told me I was a mean person, that I had an attitude problem..
Yes, indeed that is true.
But it hurts to be this way.
To try to go through life as though nothing ever happened to me.
As though I am Andrea still.
I am not her, and she is no longer me.
I don't know who I am.
And when I lose my marbles, I can't even figure out why I'm alive.

For once I want things to be normal.
I want to feel the sun on my face, and the wind through my hair.
Take me away from myself, save me from the demise I face..
Get me away from hell on earth.