The End.

You all just make me want to sin.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I keep trying to illustrate that what I have is nothing, because without certain pieces, I'm an incomplete puzzle.
No one knows my life.
No one knows my struggle.
No one knows this mind.
I have the mind of a mad man.
Just waiting to flip a table or throw a chair through a window.
My sorrow turned to pain.
My pain turned to anger.
My anger turned to hate.
Not just for you, but some for me as well.
I am alone.
I am alone.
I don't want to be alone.
They can't see the signs.
The desperate cries for attention.
Save me from myself.
Save me from this hell.
Save me from disappearing.
I have a tale to tell, but they're not hearing it.
They aren't ready for what's in store for them.
I try.
I try.
I try so hard.
Kick and scream and holler.
My voice is just a hollow thing.
I am me.
I am me.
I am me.
But is it even who I want to be.
Sometimes I wish I was her.
Perfect features.
Nothing to cry over, no?
We all have our secrets.
We all have our lives.
We all have our stories.
But I don't know hers.
She comes from a troubled past.
Where there wasn't a shed of light anywhere.
That's why she's silent.
That's why I know.
That's why she can't grow.
Unfinished business makes the heart burn slow.
All of it.
Sucking the life, like a mosquito does blood.
No life, no soul.
I guess this is the end for me, no?

Song of My Life

All that's real to me is Marilyn and Jesus..

Jumping off of bridges, sparklers and streamers honey..

I wanna fly
I wanna fly
I wanna flyyyyyy

I can't be with the man I love..
I can't be if he treats me rough..

I can't see him..
I can't call him up..

-LDR

I'm dying. Retarded.

How is it I can make you happy but I can't make the person that brought me into this world happy? How can you love me...when she can't? How can I bring you so much joy over such a short period when I've known her for 19yrs? Why is this? What's so bad about me?

Why does everything happen...?

We take some steps backwards, working on going forward. Life happens, love happens..then it's over. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've cried and tried. You don't seem to realize that my love isn't a lie. I have things I need to work on, I know. But I don't want you to go. I beg, cry, hit rock bottom head on. I don't know if there is effort left in me..I don't know if my heart will still be pumping. You talk about death and all his friends but I'm here to keep you from them. I'm your greatest strength but then I'm your instant demise. I build you up, to break you down. I love you completely, to hate you at times. But that's what it's about, is it not? Take the good with the bad..and wonder why. It's okay to cry. But I don't want you to die. I don't want you to rot away in such misery. You still don't realize that your pain is mine. Your thoughts of suicide. Your desperate cry. We'll figure out why everything happens though. 

A toast.

You've given me something I've never experienced in life before. A love, a confidence, a fight that's so passionate it's unheard of. I want to be with you always. That's why I stick around. In hopes that one day we'll get it down. We both have a lot to learn about one another and much growing to do. But I'll say by your side if you stay by mine, I know your love is true. Even hundreds of miles away I can feel the love. I can't always understand it, but in time I think that'll come. Life is so sweet when your with me yet miserable when you're not. I'm willing to go through the pain if it means I'll get what I want. And that's you and all the love you have deep inside. I love you always, so keep on smiling wide. I'll do good by you, if you do good by me. We'll figure things out and be so happy. The beginning of a new life, love, and happiness. The end of a fight that keeps us from this. Cheers.

Try Again.

Here we go.
On it again.
Different problem, yet it's always the same solution.
When will you see the error in your trials and just try again.
I see it as though I'm not even apart of this.
I see the hurt, mistakes, and you contemplate.
But there is only one answer to the problem.
Love.
Give me unconditional love and everything will be okay.
Tell me you can't live a day without me, can't stop thinkin bout me.
I drive you crazy but you wouldn't ever ask to be sane.
I love you with all I've got babe.
Whenever we lack that health of our relationship or peace we still find a way.
I do what I do because I want to move foward to something great.
Show you how this love can be.
Show you that I'm not me if you're not there to complete me.
I hope you can see...just how much you mean to me.

I can't breathe.

As I cry myself to sleep let it be known that I'm all alone. No one hears these gasp for help. No one wipes my tears. It's just me and my demons here. Eyes tearing me apart. Crossing lines that haven't even been drawn. I see nothing but stone cold darkness.

I can't even be happy.
No one allows for it.
And you can't even say "you can be happy when you want to be happy, it's your decision" that's bullshit because in order for that to happen I'd have to stop caring. And if I stop caring I'll be alone.
So I have to wait around for people to come to me first, wait til they come around and want to make me happy.
You're never just a phone call away, you're fifty texts, a missed call, twenty more texts, and then a call.
You're never just a drive down the street your 246 miles away, and even then you're gone.
Who's here with me, cause I feel nothing.
I don't even know why I think things will ever turn out nice for me, because those closest to me won't let that happen.
Awe f it.

We did it.

Hours and hours of mind numbing work..and the goal has been met. Everything is in order again. I feel that life is just now coming into focus. I can faintly make out what this life will be, but at the same time I have no idea. I'm glad to have my independence and solidarity, but what is still before me is unimaginable. Not that it's terrible..not that it's too good to believe..but that it's simply unknown. Tonight I lay me down to sleep, with thoughts of future victory. I'm gaining confidence everyday, that I will find a way. Someone sees success in me, someone sees the best in me. That someone is me!

Start.

Like a stopwatch takes off..here we go. Hurting, disagreeing, making no amends. If anything I'm sick of your uncanny way of going to bed. I like to know were on the same page, that we've gone to bed with smiles on our face. I want a new beginning, an agreement to succeed, but, now I actually want to succeed. I want for us to get past the little things , but honestly I want you to think of the little things. That's my plead for insanity. You don't think of me. You don't show me that you do.. not like you really should. I go through hell sometimes. And what keeps me grounded is that moment when I'll finally be able to hear your voice or see your face. but something drowns out that velvety voice or blocks your angelic face. Always. Always. Always. Can't I get what I want?

Even Super Woman...

Put up a brave front.
Kept a strong stance in the face of danger.
I feel like I'm taking on the world, yet leaving it behind.
Love has me feeling like I'm losing something, I wanna feel nothing inside.
But I feel it all..I can't be strong like you.
Let it all out. Remember the good times, remember the bad. Remember that I love you and don't look sad. No matter what I'll always believe in you. No matter what I'll always love you. We are stronger together than when we are apart. But my independence is calling me, and I can't ignore it's cries. Sure you understand the reasons for this all. &Sure I'll understand.

He Gives Me The Best Memories.

I can't even tell you half the things we sit and talk about. But it's always evident how much we care. I love when he's near me, and that he wants to be there. I know that one day we'll always be together. But today isn't it. He goes back to his life and I to mine. Yet we're in love. I miss him deeply when we're both away. It pains me, but at least I know some good will come from it one day. What we have isn't easy, it isn't just possible by anybody. Were obessed with one another. But able to let go. Let each other grow. Times get rough, but we can't run away from it yet. We have to see to it that the best memories are made and kept.

Now until forever you hear

Life. Love. Passion. Lust. Desire.
Stuff that's like woah. My thoughts are beyond crazy, but it's entertainment no? I can't ever make a decision. Left or right? Black or white? I don't know. So I roll with the punches and do what I know. Love what I like. Seek who I know. I'm here for you, as you are for me. I seek the day you'll marry me. I'll say vows that'll make you shed tears. I love you. I want to be with you. There's some things we need to do to find the glue and fix things, true. I cried a few times because I miss things. I gave you all that you ever asked for and now it's been put to shame and forgotten. We let someone ruin what we have and now we're both just ashamed. When will clarity hit..when will normal life return? I loved you then I can love you now don't you know? I'll love you forever until we grow old...I'll love you forever until we grow old.

-Sigh-

I've had one love for the greater part of my life.
Someone that has stood by my side, accepted me, forgiven me, loved me.
There some time comes times when bad things happen and forever change your life.
Some will float and survive, others will sink and die.
 I'd like to think that we'd survive this to reach our goals and dreams.
  However trust is a hard thing to gain back, security is a hard thing to live without.
   Even though you are doing your all to right your wrongs...will it suffice?
    Will you ever convince me that you don't want to hurt me, that you do care about my heart?
     Our whole lives have consisted of proving this and that to one another.
       Reassuring the other to not give up.
         But here we are at the same time doubting everything, being unable to reassure the other completely.
           Am I strong enough, for any of the things life has to offer me?
             I hoped and prayed for all of these things and now I don't even know...
               How sad and disappointing everything seems to me.
                 Wherever is the light that will see me through?
                     Will my heart return?
                        Will life return?
                           Will it?
                              End.

Inspired by the Great K.DOT

Promise that you will sing about me.

Promise that you will sing about me. 

   

I said when the lights shut off and

its my turn to settle down, my main concern.

Promise that you will sing about me.

Promise that you will sing about me.

I hope not all is forgotten, when I turned away from you.

My love is still there for you, though it may be hidden.

You know I was there for you, wished good shit on you.

Now I'm here in defeat.

Kicking rocks in the street, my heart was forgotten.   

Hitting my head on a wall, my life falls to hell.

Talking about a place that no one wants to be apart of.

Talking about a place that makes you want to fall apart.

Yeah, you've broke my heart probably for the last time.

But I remember our first kiss, that necklace I wore like my own skin.

How can all that be gone to shit.

I can't breathe now, I've lost it.

End.

We're All We Need.

I forgave you for a lot.

My heart has found some release...finally it's as though I can see, I can breathe. 

I made the decision to let go and move forward.

Because if we're in this for the long haul we're going to have more important things to worry about than rings and dinners.

We're looking to build a lifetime, where we'll hopefully get to bring life into this world and fulfill all our dreams while by each others side.

Life has this "Here I Come!" ring to it.

It doesn't seem to stop for anyone. 

But we can handle it. 

All we need is patience, love, and trust. 

It's Life and Death.

I have this theory that every time a person dies an angel is born.
That every time a person dies someone here on Earth is born.

I want to believe that we die after purpose.
That we're returned to nonexistence because we fulfilled our purpose.

It's not such a dark, dreary thought.
Death is a gift.
That we are finally through with having to try, and wonder why.
It's when we'll receive all our answers.

That's what I believe.

What do you believe in?

Change the Same.

No bone in my body likes the look of change.
Whether good or bad, I can never recognize it's initial intentions.
It makes me think of sad endings.
In my eyes it is viewed as threat.
Because once initiated there is really no stopping it.
It runs it's vile course with pristine tunnel vision.
Paying no mind to those around it.
It is a change that is destined to affect my life.
It's not even a change that is mine or pertaining to me.
But it will still do so.
Change will affect us all.

Me + You and the 7 Wonders of the World.

Maybe we were born for each other.

Knew each other in a previous life.

I feel like you were my protector.

Not just there to watch over me..but there at my rescue with a sword and shield.

Ready to shed blood or tears when necessary.

Unlike most you were always there when needed.

Your protection gave me something to think about.

Something bigger in myself to believe in.

I realized I would always need to be a part of your life.

However big or small.

You needed me just as much as I needed you.

I was something different, something unheard of to you.

I made you laugh and smile, I gave you a reason to life as you said. 

I recollect the events of our life together and try to gather where things will go next.

I'm no physic but our journey will take us somewhere love can only find.

To the beautiful sights of the seven wonders of the world...through the immense emotions of future tragedies...love conquers all.

Devotion...loyalty...and effort conquer all.  

In The Beginning.

      Time only passes by to remind me how I am getting older and how life is starting to want more from me. I was a girl with plans, with dreams, hopes, many desires. I wanted it all, but the fact that the efforts I had put forth thus far were not enough, were devastating. But how was I to know...because this is just the beginning. It's not the end. We all grow up with the biggest ambitions and in the end, for some of us, we have little to show. We settle for the first thing that comes along just so we won't be a "party of one" or will be able to "put food on the table". Sometimes it comes to this. However, it doesn't have to be that way always. That doesn't mark the end of a story. We as writers, as creators, as humans have the ability to define our lives to the very last detail. Whether we want to be happy all the time at the little joys of life or down because we're not rich and famous. We chose how we feel about life and love...we chose who we want to be.