Her Love, Her Energy.

For awhile now I've noticed that this love I have isn't fleeting.

It's in my heart, ever present and all knowing.

Warming the darkest part of my soul.

I look for you in others, you whom I love.

You whom I've always wanted.

That unrequited love captures me.

It flows from one energy to the next it has no means, it knows no bounds.

So I search until I no longer can.

When there's no more sun, and not another night to look forward to.

I search even though you've hurt me so.

I'll continue the search.

What I Really Want.

Ejected from my soul.
You were designed to be a memory.
A sweet one I was destined to smile back on when I was eighty.
But they can't take it away from me.
They can't remake these feelings and desires.
Looking up at a shard of the moon in the sky.
I think of "you".
The one I was created for.
I hope they make them like you in my heaven.
I hope this wish will come true.
That you don't die before our time.
That we'll make our dreams come true.
I hope I'm not alone forever.
I hope someone can love me for me.
I hope that you'll hold my hand the whole way there.

We love honesty.

I feel so lucky to have you.
Kissing your lips so tenderly.
Then you slip away.
Like smoke into the winds.
You vanish.
All that lingers is your touch.
Emotions well up inside and then I feel you there.
Right at home where you belong.
In my heart.
Constantly capturing my soul.
Maybe I love the concept of loving someone.
Maybe I don't even really know what it means to love.
Maybe I'll watch over you until I can't anymore.
This tortured consumption coming over me is self made and you inspired it.
We're the culprits in the perfect crime.
Tell me, is it okay to love you so?

She walks.

You can forget that look she gives so easily.
No heart, no attachment.
The feelings she had are no more.
Too many times was she burned but the fires of your ignorance.
This is why she runs.
Trying to find her own ground that'll catch her when she falls.
You can't handle the storm that is my mind, the gravity of my feelings, the devotion that my heart has sworn.
So I let it all drift away to a sea of regret.
The time wasted, the memories created, the desires provoked are no more.
It's back to black.

She's why I do it.

She had my heart.

I loved her. 

It stopped at nothing. 

I would often lost myself in her.  

Her sweet touch gave me everything I was missing in the world.
The thought.
The realness.
I could never get through this alone.
They wonder what my inspiration is, who is my muse, why I keep doing this.
It's all for her and this throne.
She put me on, I got her off.
I often times left her for my art, my soul, my music.
She asked me if I would always be a writer, write until the day I die.
I let her know it's something I can't control, it must come out.
She understood that money, fame, and fortune wasn't the goal.
That even if we took over the world it was always for this art.
It gave my soul much purpose, and to her that was everything.
It's not easy explaining your gift to another soul.
It doesn't always make sense to even try.
But when you want them to get a sense of you, you have to be true to them. 

Follow your dreams that are hopefully your goals and make a life for yourself. 

Just a Little Bit.

Time will tell the tales no one else can.
Even when it isn't said, it is done.
My love and affection, the sparkles in my eyes, the motivation to be more wise.
All of that slips away once I realize that there is a lack of something.
So you want to save me, you want to see me do better, you want happiness to rain down on my world.
I must be honest when I say this, I cannot be that girl.
I won't be the one you leave out in the cold.
You won't see me saving the world.
I am here for me and my myself only.
Isn't that the one constant theme here.
How they make ME feel..
Will they ever give ME this..
Can I ever be that.
The world WILL stop turning if I say it does.
Life WONT ever be more than what it is than it is to me.
Just remember that no one can control you.

And Then There Was You.

If you love two at once, choose the second, because if you really loved the first you never would have loved again.

If you look deep into their eyes and feel a flutter, a small panic then maybe it was meant to be.

Whether you stay or flee true love will always exist.

It'll be out there in the universe strumming up something passionate into existence.

Wondering when to take your hand. If it'll ever truly be the right time.

Dark Matter.

My darkness might be my happiness.

So why are you so bright?

Why must you shine a light to all the shit that makes me thrive?

Good or bad, temporary or forever.

Live or die, God knows I try.

I strive for just short of perfection, live in between the lines in that little grey section. 

The darkness gave me purpose when there was none and at the same time took it all away.

Highs and lows.

Day and night.

Nothing was ever promised, but yet everything was in balance.

She knew the rhythm and blues, she created the black and the white.

Empty bottles lined the walls, empty shallow thoughts made her war go on. 

No one knew her soul was created from darkness.

That her life meant so little in the grand scheme of it all.

She was blessed with this heart that would ache for all eternity.

The most beautiful thing from it all.

If God gave her nothing else at least she had her song.

Her mind was easily distracted with all the pretty little things.

Who could blame her for feeling such pain/?

But who would ever love someone lost in the darkness?

Janine Got Me.

There's no good part that follows. 

No way to say that all of this meant something. 

Losing you when you were all I had. 

Truly it makes me sad. 

I will hold on to this pain for eternity. 

If it means I'll never feel my heart break again. 

Oh how you discourage me from ever loving again. 

Deep inside my heart, I know all about you. 

I'm lost without you. 

Carry me away to a gentle safe place where all that mattered was me in your embrace. 

Take my soul if it means you'll reach your happy place. 

I can barely stand the heart break. 

No one ever warns you that it's going to feel this way. 

All alone in a sea of pain. 

No way to feel grounded again. 

The Art in Nothing.

Art is whatever. 
I can sit and stare at nothing, but if that nothing gives me a sense of being…if that nothing is giving me everything I wish I ever had in my life..it’s a masterpiece to me. 

My heart doesn’t yearn the same way yours does. My fulfillment doesn’t come from money or possessions. 

Everything that has ever meant a thing to me is something the eye cannot see. 

That nothing is the love in between the sheets, it’s the tears that I shed when no one’s around, and it’s the people that are the hydrogen to my oxygen. 

That’s why nothing is so beautiful to me. Because feelings are nothing, but then they are everything.