Trying.

Dreams of moving on and finding peace. I keep seeing you in my dreams. 

It's not bad because my internal self is working on healing. 

I am finally starting to feel healed in the sense that our chapter is over. 

Ever so changing is my heart, my mind, body and soul. 

You sell yourself short and people think little of you. 

Try to make the best of it, try to take each day like it's heaven sent, and make a memory. 

Only scorched in your mind for eternity. 

Like the dancing sunflowers or the big blue sea. 

We're here for each other always. 

A love that cannot be forgotten is the love of human kind. 

Passionate and deep. 

It circles for the far corners of the galaxies. 

You step aside and let me stride towards something great and unknown. 

I'm beginning to see what you see with great hindsight and integrity. 

You cannot fear what hasn't come dear, you cannot give up before you even try. 

I say to you that I haven't come this far to be nothing, and I won't stop until I've over come the obstacles which stand before me. 

We Don't Trust These Hoes.

She told you all the shit that left you high and dry and you listened..
Naturally you invited that bitch in for some tea and a little night cap.
She dazzled you with hips and lips from the south and you fell right in.
You lost yourself in rivers or seas you never thought existed.
Yet all along her heart belonged to someone else,
captivated by a higher power that wasn't Him himself.
Competing with a ghost for her love which was never promised from the get go.
These hoes mystify and criminalize every move made,
You never had a chance at her heart.
But you sit and you watch her do her dance, go through the motions over and over again.
How much more will it take til you're sanctified?
Until the heavens open up to shine a little light?
Or Hell heats the truth up so you can finally feel it?
Whatever it is you do you better watch yourself.
The man eater herself has no fucks to give about your feelings.
She's here for herself tonight.
To fill a hole in her soul that can't be brimmed.
So indulge in her passions and tend to her desires,
cause pleasing her will be the only pleasure you receive in the end.

Ode to Great Love, Great History.

How can I continue to keep falling in love?
Even though this heart of mine has gone through it it still survives.
Bring me forward to the light of things that are true and real.
If you prey on me I will make sure you fall.
Not the words of hate, but the hate of words will come out.
When no one was looking I cried until I no longer could.
Reach out to me and feel for my heart.
Just follow the cold and you'll find it.
Deserted once before, but I never forgot what it felt like to live.
The found memories of "I love you's" and adventures.
At times I feel guilty, because I know I took away the very breath in your lungs.
I don't like to say this aloud, but I live with hate towards myself and what I have done.
And if by any chance you ever read this know that I am so deeply sorry for what I did to you..know that no matter what you'll always be my first true love who made all my other loves pale to blue.
And though I am but a wanderer in this life I learned...
I learned that there is need and there is dependency.
There is closeness and there is suffocation.
There is trust and then there is nothing.
Even if what we had was destroyed it was something before it was nothing, and that will never be forgotten.
No matter how many puffs, sips, or lapdances take place those memories can never be washed away.
They meant something to me and I'm tired of acting on the contrary.
So I cannot lie to myself my entire life dear.
You were a crucial chapter to an extraordinary novel that's still being written.
And sometimes it hurts, and sometimes we fall, but all that ever matters is that we get back up and walk tall...

I love you forever and always..through distance, space, and time my heart will always find you.

&Even Though.

As the cool breeze shoos dusk to dawn how can I deny you?
I keep dreaming up the impossible in every thing I desire..
Perhaps I'm the only thing holding me back.
Perhaps when you hold me I think I might fall, but when all my walls are knocked down I hear your call.
You're the realest thing that's came into my life since I've been given a second chance,
so why fight it?
Your priorities seem straight.
First thought in the morning and last thought at night are decently indecent..I have a tendency to fight the things I want in life.
But is it that I really don't want them? Is it that I really do?


We condemned this thing from the get go.
I want you ,but I want to be able to leave you.
So with a few words I can change the whole dynamic, but with that really comes the trust issues, the tears, and the harsh words.
The only pain you bring out are my unaired demons, and I can't be mad truth be told.
So on a cold winter night I sit here and have your sins forever scorched into my mine.
Because I will always be condemned by your demons, always have a far ear listening for your breathing..
Wishing you well, as I wish you dead due to the unforgivable pangs of betrayal.


I know that I am a woman of love, one who loves one and then another.
A modern day hippy.
Brought to this Earth to love as many as I can before my time runs out, fortify dignity and integrity amongst man.
Bring to you the hope that could never be otherwise.
I don't mind doing that because it's something that comes natural.
Everywhere I look there is someone that needs my strength and so I offer it up or lower my guard for them..
All in all I am a compassionate being.
Contrary to their belief I do care..and I can die today sure of it.
Knowing in the deepest parts of my heart that I will always love and care.

The Truth Be It Told.

Don't think about it too much when I kiss you softly and ask you to stay. I just want you near my dear. I may never love you,  or maybe I'll never admit it but just stay. I keep all these broken pieces of my heart scattered around because I'm falling apart. Because I have to remind myself that one day these piece must come together again. I don't always agree or see eye to eye but I'm here, with passion, wonder, and daring. You see that smirk on my face and you know it's time, ready to go higher and higher until I come undone at the seams. You see to me this love you desire is maybe something you've been missing for awhile. I can smell it on you like the whiskey, cigarettes, and sweat. Just dance until your done, dance until the world is nothing more but a distant thought. Come back to me at the end of it all and distract me from shitty days..be a stone so that way I can move on. 

Just because

Real is death, real is the feeling you get when your heart is broken. It's the pain you feel when your starving. The indescribable sensation when you're lying to yourself, god, and those around you. Being alone, being so far away from humanity you don't even recognize youself. You agologize, constantly apologize like your 2 and someone's going to spank you if you don't. Critize you to no end and tear you to pieces. 

Just a Little Something.

Fucking our way towards the end of day. Searching for a satisfaction. I lose myself inside you and cannot be found. Every drop is ecstasy and every pill is nectar. I hope you love me at the end of the day, that my face is burned deep into your memory. You just wait for that moment when you can stop wishing, stop hoping for the inevitable. You have dreams of dreams that cannot be shared through talk amongst pillows and I can't be mad. I see through your shit and you don't even know, loving you is a book that cannot be explored. I'll see you in the spring and share you in the fall, but never will I be yours year round. I let you into my world and you nearly drown. I can't kill the Ill feeling of losing you or not having you around. You were all I never wanted and so much of what I needed. Here for you now, there for me later. I found a respect that had never been found. Each and every day I lose myself to the flow of a river that I cannot be drown in so don't worry. Open my eyes and see trees. You make me laugh, you bring me up to moments I thought I wasn't down for. Twirling in fields of dark and surrounded by clouds of sunflowers. From a world that only makes sense in your dreams or on a drunken night when you feel weak. I will always be there in the morning and at the latest hours of the night when everyone else is asleep. Don't fear what's to come because if it's meant to be baby, it'll be...

Chance.

You gave me a piece of you when no one was looking. That day cruising in the snake roads, dreams of better days. Hiding all your demons, and putting away your sins for me...I miss you some days. But still i hate you every now and again...toyed with me like I was some kind of piggy bank. I pray that every night you fall asleep you drift into dreams that slay your mind and rock your soul. I was promised something faulty and left with nothing but time seen out of a faded gold band. I sway my hips to your songs, run my fingers through curls that keep me warm at night, and drink the liquors that you could never stand. Not many ill wishes just hopes of visits from that bitch karma. Til we meet again. Live. Love. Lost. 

Thoughts and Feelings.

That sweet torture you call love. That beautiful thing you call hate. From the very core of my being I can honestly say I don't relate. Sweet disposition that is you, heavenly sounds that you make. If it's just to see a smile on your face I'll do it. I'll be there when you wake. Carry you down to neutral grounds. I sway from side to side as I listen to the melody that is you. I can't break free, hypnotized by your cries. Death is trying, but this life is so renoun. I can't keep saving you from yourself my dear, or fighting battles. As I lay my head down for sleep, I pray of all the things in life I want to keep, to have and to hold always, things that are near and dear to me. All the things that remind me that I'm human. Look me in the eye and see every scar, every tear, every smile I've bared witness to. Wise and all but I can't sway. All these things I see come to me for a reason and I'll continue to take it one experience at a time..

5AM, The Truth Speaks.

I can't sit here and say that I don't still love you, that I don't sit and think of all the times I spent thinking of you. All the times you were there for me when I all I could do was cry. I'd definitely have to say I miss you and that makes it more difficult for me to breath. I lose the desire to be when I think of being with you again though. I lose all my humanity when I think that if things were different life could have worked out for you and me...it's hard as shit to say but all this running around just isn't me. I hope that one day we'll both find what we're looking for and be happy baby. 

Just a Line Away.

Hair down to your back, a smirk that can make the saddest heart feel free.
A casual way of being everything a girl could ask for.
I watch the stars through the ceiling and talk with you.
Taken away by a few of my vices, but never a dual moment.
The little light at the end of the tunnel flickers on for me.
Maybe a little love, maybe a little hope.
You reach for my heart, but I'm distracted by the sexual tension.
I can only see eyes of toasted honey and I'm mesmerized.

I can't help but love someone who puts a smile on my face and respects my space.
There is something that brings me to the ocean, the trees, and to the moon and back.
You thought it was never possible for me, that I wouldn't find it.
Fought, and discouraged me.
I will rise again my dear.

Finals Week.

Currently finals are fucking me harder than a prisoner who just got released after being locked up for 20 years. Damn. Everything in life seems to focus on a grade, on a name on a piece of paper known as a degree. Something that doesn't make me more entitled than Joe Bob on the street, something that doesn't make me any better than the stripper you secretly visit during the week. My nerves are everywhere, my heart is on the ground, and my hopes are in the garbage. Every promise of opportunity that was given to me feels wasted and pointless and I don't even know why doing the most was a choice in my mind. This is what happens when your a senior with no support from home. When your hopes and dreams turned you into a puddle of tears.