She's Ready.

Deep sorrows no longer exist. 

Seeing that the best for me was when you left me. 

Can't say I'll ever get used to the independence but at least I'm still alive and well. 

She looks to the trees and the heavens and asks her questions. 

Open ended responses to be much expected. 

Time takes ahold of the moment and its loving. 

Her love warmed the hearts of many and induced fear in the bravest of man.

She didn't have to say much to let you know you were living in the light. 

She carried away your sorrows, and made sure you never drown in your sins. 

A humanitarian is what she is. 

Graceful with every movement, she dances along blurred lines and never gives in. 

She crosses your mind always. 

She lives in that thing you call a heart and she's comfortable there. 

Chances were always given. 

Forgiveness was appeasing. 

She loves, she cries, she shares her life with a sweet person. 

It's her gift to mankind. 

It's the way she gives back to the world. 

When She's Gone, She's Gone.

I'm not one to wait around. 

I believe in second chances. 

I believe in fighting for what i think is best.

I can't walk away so easily because there are times where I believe things could actually work. 

I don't know what's right exactly. 

But I do know that I follow my heart and soul til the end. 

Even if maybe I should get lost I'll still go on. 

These souls touch my heart and they speak volumes to me. 

They inspire me to climb mountains and reach out for what I want. 

I'm myself. 

I'm free. 

I have no worries. 

It took me awhile but I realized that I'm better off without you. 

All ties cut off and broken. 

You won't be my drunk dial. 

You never will be the one I turn to. 

I'm finally thinking of me and what my heart needs and it's love and support and geniune care. 

So I will hope for the best and say goodbye to all stress. 

I'm walking past thee. 

 

She's Going.

Every day has a night. 

And every night has an end. 

You had my love, but then you gave in. 

You said the one thing I couldn't compete with. 

Im sorry I wasn't enough. 

My emotions are all over the place. 

You weren't mine but you were close to it. 

Maybe it's just the darkness talking. 

Or maybe the lack of sleep. 

Maybe I really have lost it. 

I'm no perfect being but I'm no devil. 

You may not even know what you lost, or how much you meant to me. 

But we crossed paths for a reason and I learned a bit more about me. 

I feel that all this conflict happened to break me of bad habits before I finally met who I'm meant to be with. 

I truly hope that all the good comes and I want to start embracing life more and all it's quirky little moments. 

I Can See Again.

She blamed herself for shit. 

Took on the worries and issues of others as though they were her own. 

But no more, because it's not fair to her. 

People making her feel like shit just because they can't handle life. 

I'm better than that. 

With all thoughts of strengths and weakness to the side she's moving forward. 

Things aren't perfect but they're far from the shitshow that they could be. 

I love you she says to herself and no one can take the love you have for yourself away. 

That in itself is all the strength one needs. 

Cancelled.

I feel so empty. 

I try to make the best of everything and I get left with nothing. 

I'm tired of going through the same shit with different people. 

I hate that I still can't find acceptance from people and forgiveness from the world. 

We all try, we all try. 

But why the hell can't we ever get shit right? 

I'm tired. 

Always wondering if it'll be enough, if you'll ever love me again, could you ever really see me. 

I have to say life isn't as bright and happy. 

It's not an oyster anymore. 

I've been snapped back to reality and I can't shake my fears. 

Fears of failing tremendously, of falling, of being lost again. 

It's like I was just getting back up on my feet again but somehow I've already faulted and ended up on the ground. 

Time after time again. 

I'll always have love for you, but I have to love me more.

 Always..forever..and just a little bit more. 

And She's Back.

I keep hoping that it's all a dream.

I want to wake up in the morning and not even have memory of your face. 

I don't believe that time is ever wasted, but I do think that people take it. 

I can't have feelings. 

I can't be free. 

No one wants that from me. 

But I don't care what everyone wants. 

I care about me. 

I've learned some. 

Mostly that I don't give a fuck.

People will come in with their opinions. 

And they'll leave when they aren't happy. 

I'm almost used to it now. 

Yeah it sucks, but I don't want any favors.

I want what's real. 

Prays to the End.

So time is up. 

All you feel is all I can take. 

I'm not the one, I guess I never was, but I had fun. 

I truly believe we met for a reason. 

Maybe later I'll figure it out, but for now I'm just glad that I got out without much bruising. 

It sucks that my love for you was never revealed. 

That the excitement I felt will never be due to you again. 

But I honestly think I got a glance of what it was like to be with my father. 

Abuser of substance, disreguarder of feelings. 

I could have fell down the rabbit hole with you, but obviously it wasn't my destiny and for that I'm glad. 

I don't know much about what I deserve but it has to be more than the shit I've gotten. 

I like to see these different worlds.

To get a taste of life on the other side. 

I was never a bad girl. 

I always did the right thing. 

I always said please and thank you and kept my head down. 

And that was good. 

I'll never disreguard my dreams and hopes. 

I may not care about love much, but I care about my freedom. 

And I'll never let that go. 

When Love Fucks You Over.

The funny thing about love is that it's nothing and then it's everything. 

It's all consuming. 

It's a a fire that burns within the deepest pits of being. 

I can't tell you what it's made of, I can't even say that it's all the same for everyone. 

But I know it's one of the most beautiful amazing terrifying life altering things out there. 

One moment you're fearless and ready to go, the next moment you're caring for the well being of someone else. 

Every action you make may impact them. 

So you aren't as tempted to flirt or stay out so late. 

They're who you want at the end of the night and beginning of each morning. 

It's beautiful. 

That some day someone might just walk into your life and literally fuck shit up. 

It comes without warning, and it can't be stopped. 

The more you fight it off the more smoldering it becomes. 

That at night it slips out...it slips out in the form of kisses and favors. 

It can't be helped. 

And you're doomed. 

For your heart to either gain life or lose everything it once had before. 

There's no hope at all. 

I Try.

It's like a movie. 

The scenes keep flashing back, like all the great highlights. 

My heart fills and collapses with each one. 

Little by little I lose hope. 

You really don't know how good something is until it's gone. 

Until you see it halfway out the door. 

In my life I've learned that you can't plead and beg, the choice has to come from within them. 

And I chose you a long time ago. 

It's been a month now since I realized how I felt about you. 

And I still haven't told you. 

Everything I do, everything I say, mostly, it's all been out of love. 

The laughs, the hand holds, the butt grabs, even holding you while you sleep. 

I chose to always be there because that meant I was with you. 

That for a few hours out of the day it was just you and I. 

And nothing else mattered. 

I may not be winning the award for humanitarian or even a ribbon for best attitude but I was always there. 

Whether it's because you needed me or I needed you. 

We were there, together, for one another. 

And it was all good. 

Realizations.

Things were moving fast. 

I was there and you were there. 

But then it was always. 

I love you but I could never tell you. 

I watch as you sleep, laying there completely vulnerable and trusting, and I tell you in a bearly audible whisper how I feel. 

I see how beautiful you are, although you may be lost. 

You laugh too loud, you scream without reserve. 

You live all aspects of life to the fullest. 

And all I can hope for is a little light. 

I steer clear of the bad topics. 

I dance around in the glory of love making, of our bodies connecting. 

I see that I've taken things out on you when it's undeserved. 

I see things now and how I've treated you. 

I shy away from your lavish life because I'm scared. 

I don't want to cramp your style. 

I fear the day that you are no longer a factor in my life. 

I don't wish to lose you. 

But I know at some point you'll realize it's time to go. 

And all I can do is bid you farewell. 

I hope that you know that I love you so. 

Every time.

When it's finally time to sit back and enjoy the music I fail. 

I shake things up with clouds of black and hail. 

Shots are fired but no one is hit. 

Just scared shitless. 

You no longer speak, are you through with me? 

I make mistakes and at times become blinded with emotions. 

I'm only human and you know this. 

Drank the color of honey. 

Eyes the color of death. 

I'm sorry that I can't focus. 

Oh well, the hell with it. 

Meowness.

She looks in the mirror and realizes she'll never look as good as she does today. 

Through sober eyes finally seeing that maybe there is more out there. 

Maybe she deserves better. 

It's funny how one day you're in love and the next you don't see the point. 

He's there when he wants to be and even then he's somewhere else. 

Light years away, I'll never catch up, and I can't say that I'd like to.

I know that this "love" is wrong and that its tainted with drugs, sex, and rock n roll. 

He takes what he can get and a little bit more. 

That emptiness she told you of, the yearning for someone to care. 

None of it mattered to him. 

So still she sits with an unrequited love, and an empty soul. 

Hoping one day that she'll find someone that desires more. 

Pointless.

One day marked the worst day of my life. 

But it wasn't the worst, it was far from it, it was one of many that were to come. 

Sometimes it feels like everyday is the worst day of my life. 

Because I'm not getting this or that..because no one listens or understands. 

Because nothing is unconditional anymore. 

I hate it all. 

I hate the fact you won't talk to me. 

I hate the fact that no one will ever love me like you. 

I hate the fact that you're dead. 

I hate the fact that you don't give me the time of day. 

I hate the fact that life keeps keeping on and were only getting older. 

I hate it all. 

And I'm still broken. 

I still can't do right by you. 

I've still got trust issues and pain inside. 

I still cry and die inside. 

So what's the use? 

What's the point?

Feeling Sorry.

Better off got me feeling like I'm better offed. 

When my demons are just there staring at me..expectant like..what am I to do?

When I don't want these feelings anymore.

When I can't figure out the answers to any questions and it hurts. 

All she ever needed was love, but it would never last long enough to heal the wounds. 

No one ever stayed around to figure out her sadness. 

I can't explain my blues but it's there. 

I wear it on my sleeve like the latest fashion. 

I've fucked myself out of good situations before, won't be the first, doubt it'll be the last. 

I hang my head in defeat, and everyone else laughs. 

That dark cloud over my head isn't for show and it's not planning to pass. 

It's my life. 

Sometimes it rains and storms and others it's a light drizzle I don't even notice. 

I'm sorry if my moods aren't what you wanted. 

I'm sorry if all you wanted was my mouth and my "love". 

I'm sorry if I'll never be good enough. 

I'm sorry I don't know the right things to say. 

I'm sorry that I don't understand. 

I'm sorry that I keep on falling for the wrong people. 

I'm sorry I keep sitting here apologizing for other people like it's all my fault. 

I still don't get it. I still don't. 

The Truth Comes Out.

I found someone to call me baby. 

Someone to hold me tight and help me feel again.  I'm not sure where things will go to or if I'm gonna be out the game any time soon. But my heart wants what it's want. It decided all on its own to care for you. I decided to let myself love you. But with my love and care comes the worries. And I worry about everything. I want those I love to be safe. To not hurt or be alone. I just know that from day one I didn't want to change you, because I tried that with other loves. And it's not a tale I like to think of. I'm no longer scared to grab your hand, or kiss you the way I want. I see your face and it soften my heart and lights up my day. But there's a dark silverlining to your world. It scares me some, but I don't want to make the same mistakes as before. I look past a lot. Although there is little you do that hurts me, I know that I'm not perfect and that one day I'll do something that breaks your heart, but I don't know what will happen if I do.