Wholesome

 No one realizes that I'm the type of girl that loves everyone…Even when love is lost I know I will love again, even in love I feel that strangeness of how I could love whomever. The problem is, not everyone can love me. I'm so worried about falling into the hands of the wrong one, I'm so worried about falling into the hands of no one. I've made my mistakes and made my apologies…I've prayed and sweared to death. I'm hurting now, because I'm no longer a cup of tea. I'm not longer a simple child, I'm a slightly cynical/slightly broken young woman with all of these issues. Parts of me were stolen, other parts were lost, others I gave away. I don't believe that I'm a wholesome woman with tons of self-respect anymore. I believe I let go a lot and swore off many of my standards. If this is what it feels like to be alone I want nothing to do with it. If this is what it feels like to be misunderstood I want to wake from this nightmare. Spare my heart the from the aches and pains. If you do anything for me you can just spare me. I need a moment to live without feeling like a complete and total mess. I feel as though I project the feelings of what I want out of a relationship on other people too much. I go in expecting the world instead of taking them for face value…I put them on this high up pedestal because of how excited I get at the thought of them doing/being what it is I need out of a partner. I'm sorry. Sorry for all the pain I caused and the time I wasted. Sorry for all the words I didn't say and the ones I used against you. I'm just sorry.