Try as you might.

Make me take back everything I said. Without a doubt, this is your promise. To me. You'll see me through. To the end, even if defeat.

I stand alone. Head hung in sorrow. Heart breaking away. Little by little you watch me slip away. Where I go, who will know but for many days. It is too much to say, it is too much to feel. But I know the end is near.
There will soon be a day I hardly shead a tear. Cause why bother. Through these four walls my cries aren't heard. My pain isn't felt. My mind is swirled.

I look into a mirror, but there is no reflection.
I guess I finally lost me. 

You're mine forever and more.

everything happens for a reason..the seasons the birds singing.

My love for you is eternal..through distance, space and time my heart makes it way to you.

My soul has found it's life partner. To have, to hold, to cherish forever and more.

I could never even love another, the way I do you.

I hope you know that I appreciate you. I am so grateful for your return to me so faithfully.

You're sights are locked on to me. And I hope they stay there til our last days go.

When you find someone you know is true. No matter what always hold on...

No matter what always hold on...

No matter what I'll always hold on to you.

I Have A Little Light

Today I lost myself..
Like I seem to do every day..
Life won and I seemed to dwindle away..
My mood, my love, my hope...it has all turned grey.
I've wasted away...
Yet again letting myself down and the ones who love me.

Whenever life happens I run away..
Scared of success, scared of failure.
I'm rotting away..
I'm taking you down in this dead black grave.

When will I save me.
When will I see myself for what greatness I often forsake..
I need to practice what I preach..
I need to motivate me.
I want to be a success at this life I was blessed to see,
For 19 years now I have been here.
But I need to seize it, before it goes away.

I love you.
I love me.
I love life.

Today Marks the Greatest Sorrow

I find myself in my dark place.

Scratches and aches to show my stay.

I'm engulfed by four walls that invite in darkness.

I drink away my sorrows.

The golden brown liquid barely helps me forget anymore.

That my heart was wretched from my chest this afternoon. 

I can't help but think about how good of a girl I have been.

Saving the world and all, but what do I win?

Sadness, this dark cold existence where I reside.

Between four walls that are sucking out my life.

I try to breath but all of a sudden I'm in water. 

My lungs are filling up.

My heart is left to crumble.

When will this pain go away...?

H e L o v e s M e.

I have found strength in my relationship.
It makes me stronger every day.
I'm beginning to see how this love thing is suppose to go.
And I like it.
You make me feel so safe, when I'm wrapped in your arms...so close to your heart.
I hope to always be there.

I love you.
And no matter what we go through, what I do or say, what you do or say,
that love will always be right here, in my heart.
When you asked me to be in a relationship with you..
it wasn't just to be your girlfriend, but your lover, soulmate,
other half, best friend, secret keeper, ultimately your everything.
Because that's what you became for me.
And I could not have been more blessed than to have found that
 in such an unstable, soul-seeking chapter of my life.
How many people are lucky enough to have someone by their side
at such a difficult stage in life?

I know you, the real you.
You know me, demons, flaws, and all.
And we still love one another as though we're perfect.
I want you to be at your best in life.
I want you to fulfill all your dreams and ambitions.
I want to see you free yourself from anything that's holding you back from what you want.
I love you.

I feel your love when I witness love in other places.
Whether it's a dog and his owner.
A man and his child.
A man and a woman.
A house filled with kids.
Anything that symbolizes love, symbolizes you.
And I want you to know that and feel that, even if I don't always say it.

I love you Gavin Armstrong.


  

Why?

He tries.
I cry.
We try because we don't want to die.
See the reality and focus.
It's here and it's controlling.
I want to forget.
But forgetting is not an option.
You see my face and where's the love?
We've come so far but what do we have to show?
They're poisoning us.
It hurts so much.
They have all control.
And we have hope.
I'm tiref of us not being able to go as far as we'd like.
I'm tired of not being happy.
Tired of not seeing the light.

Whatever.

My words mean little.
They don't influence..or change the world any day.
I cry and scream.
But it always goes unheard.
What will catch your eye?
What will make you realize?
I try.
I pray.
Hold onto hope everyday.
But you don't believe.
My voice has no strength.
My words have no meaning.

She tries.

They aren't satisfied with themselves.
The way they walk, talk, or wear their hair.
Envied by all.
She creeps into the ears of others.
Dropping unsettling comments which reach the soul.
I wonder why her cry is so renounced.
What have those eyes seen that she cannot speak about.
Her lips have touched those that she wasn't suppose to.
It all come crashing down.
The pain, inside.
She wonders why now...she's misunderstood.
Her cries are taken for something other than the intent.
She muffles them into her pillow.
Tears fused with pillow.
No longer can she breath.
No longer can she be...alive.

Story of his life.

He was a drinker.
A man of many phrases and insults.
Ignorance keeps him from bliss.
He thinks solely of him.
But what about his wife, what about the kids.
Now he's living the struggle, now he can't even provide.
He tells his tales in search of redemption.
Forgiveness from a God he says is the only one.
Pushes his beliefs down the throats of others.
This Is not the Christian way God spoke up.
Swear to not care..but you stop talking to me for weeks on end.
Who's the child again?
Your wife leaves..again..and you're left with an empty house again.
Lonely nights, painful cries.
Potential to die alone, where's the hope?
Keep telling yourself that God will heal it all.
Truth is you have to take care of it all.
Maybe God will give you faith, which will result in strength.
But don't think that there is some miraculous healing power that will vanquish the pain.
Science is the only answer, medicine is the only answer to this question.
It's the things that you can't find answers for that you leave up to God.
Like why would you lie to yourself and family, purposely lie to everyone and put them in this brutal situation.
He was a drinker.
Maybe it started as a social thing and then became a breakfast drink.
Maybe self esteem was low and it got out of control.
Realize that your choice hurt me so.
They were the reason I was raised without a father..
The reason why love seems to have it's limits..
Realize you're hurting more than just you...
There's more than just you.
You chose the bottle over a family.
You chose the bottle over me.
But yet you can get your second shot.
Waltz back into my life..
I had hopes that it would make me feel more complete but it just puzzles me.
Why did things play out this way?

Let's Get Deep.

We worry about what's to come tomorrow..but I'm not even ready for today.
We get sad because we meet people we can talk to for hours, but we fall for someone who simply can't.
It can't be shallow..
I need it to be the depth of the ocean always.
Give me a feeling, such a high that I'm left dumbfounded.
If I could combine the different peoples I've met into the perfect individual It'd be bliss.
I fear that one day we'll run out of things to say..
We'll live silent lives.
We'll be done with conversation by the time we're twenty-five.
It troubles me..
Because it can't be shallow..
I need depth.
I need depth.